Thawing Time

The clock is dead. It sits, frozen in time at exactly 3:25, for about a week now. All it would take is for someone to wind it and it would once again begin the journey forward. This, in essence, is my life. I am in Limbo and I'm waiting for time to unfreeze once more.

Each person finds purpose in their own way and for me it's working. Since graduating high school, I have been working (with few exceptions) non-stop. Mind you, I don't define myself by the jobs I have, but being a hard worker is one definition of myself. Not only that, but the mundane routine provides me with a normalcy I do not experience if I'm not working. Yes, in case you are wondering, I would be one of those people who would keep working if I ever won the Lotto. It's who I am.

Since moving back in November, I have not had a steady job. I have worked, but they have been temporary jobs. Zero guarantee that I will have work from one day to the next. Which is where I am right now. I was laid off last month and, other than job hunting, I haven't been working. Searching for work doesn't exactly pay the bills and I've held off applying for unemployment because I have had a lot of interviews in a short amount of time. Which means I'm not only stressing about the lack of work, but lack of money, as well. 

However, it hasn't been all bad during this time. I have begun to post articles on LinkedIn. I have become close to a certain female barista who makes me smile, despite it all. I was able to attend the final walkthrough of my high school. I reconnected with friends who I haven't seen in a long time. Et cetera and such.

The latest bit of possible success was that, in a fit of insomnia and desperation, I posted my resume on Craigslist. It was already on LinkedIn, Monster, Careerbuilder, and Indeed, so I decided to give it a shot. In the 48 hours since then I have had two interviews and two job offers. This was not only a Godsend as far as careers go, but a massive weight off my mind. All I need now is for the job offers to be legitimate and not a scam (which is what Craigslist has a habit of being clogged with).

So, if you are in the same boat as me, I offer you this: Perseverence pays off and expect the unexpected when it comes to landing your next career. Your job is waiting for you. Make sure your eyes are open so you can see it.

So Long and Thanks For the Memories

So, this will, in part, be a photo post. I bit of sad news: The high school I went to is going to be torn down July 1st. There was a final walkthrough last weekend with a very nice turnout. I was fortunate enough to attend and snapped away. I knew there were going to be friends (and family) of mine who would not be able to attend. I did a thorough job of documenting it; and I have been told by those who also attended that it made a solid impact. 

In a way, it was like stepping into a time machine. As I wandered the halls, memories came flooding back almost instantaneously. I wandered the halls with those who I went to school and visited what few classrooms that were open for the public. Thankfully the library and the theater were open, which is where I spent the majority of my high school career. And, even though I graduated in 2000, the school smelled exactly how I remembered it. In fact, if it wasn't for the brand new high school where the tennis courts, baseball diamond, and the parking lot used to be; it would have been completely as it was when I attended.

So, without further ado, the final photos of Auburn High:

There's quite a few more photos, but posting from my phone takes forever. 

Where do we go from here?

A couple weeks back I was in church and the title of the sermon was "Where Do We Go From Here?" It was all about the state of the church over the past year, how the millenial generation is one of the loneliness, and the digital age that we live in. It touched on a lot of important things, but the one I'm posting about is simply the title: Where Do We Go From Here? I find myself at another set of crossroads and concerns and this question is at the forefront of my mind.

I was laid off two weeks ago, exactly. It didn't come as a shock to me at all, because A) It was only temporary to begin with and B) They had been steadily running out of work for me and sending me home early. I saw it coming before it happened. Needless to say, I hit the ground running for the job hunt. Last week alone I must have submitted around 30-40 job applications. This week it has already been an additional ten. I know it's only a matter of time before I get hired on to something permanent and it being something very good. Yet, the lack of requests for interviews is concern number one.

Money, and the lack thereof, is concern number two. Cost of living is crazy high and with the reduced hours (and now the complete lack of them), money is exceedingly tight. I've begun looking on Craigslist for proofreading gigs, but so far no such luck. I've considered getting on unemployment, but I have a feeling I will run out of money far before that would kick in.

The third concern is female related. There's been a certain girl who I have been courting and things have been going smooth. She left for a trip last week to Europe and I have been getting messages from her at least once a day. Until a few days ago when they suddenly stopped coming. This, above all else, is my primary worry. I'm trying to tell myself that she's probably just caught up in it all and busy; or her phone disappeared, but I can't shake the nagging worry and doubt that something may have happened to her. 

Right now I have entered a period in my life where everything is entirely uncertain. The future is nothing like what I thought it would be even a month ago. Yet, not all of the changes have been bad. This thing with my lady friend came out of nowhere and things have been moving quite fantastically. Also, a major development is that I was invited to start posting articles on LinkedIn, which I have begun doing so. This is a massive shot in the arm not only for my career, but for my writing, as well.

I know that I'm just going through another one of life's transitional phases. The metaphorical rollar coaster ride has hit some curves and I just have to hold on and make the most of it. Oddly enough, despite all the uncertainty that I am facing, I have little doubt that I will prevail and excel. I've got this. Now all I have to do is hang on until things smooth out.

The Little Voice of Forgotten Hope

So, I'm riding the bus to work this morning, listening to music on my iPhone and playing Solitaire. This is my morning routine. Well, today I was listening to the album The Long Fall Back To Earth by Jars of Clay. It's a pretty solid album, actually. I highly recommend it.

Any way, so I'm halfway through the album and a little voice asks me "Why are you still holding on to your burden? I'm here for you. It's okay to let go."

I almost lose it right there. Everything from the past six months starts slipping away and I'm fighting back the tears so hard right now. A massive weight is already starting to ease off of me.

I keep so much to myself. The pressure I've been putting on myself has been so great that I've been feeling like I'm going to crack for months now. This burden has been so great and all this time it really hasn't been necessary in the first place.

So, now I shed the skin. It is time for me to grow and change once more. It's time for me to let go and move on. And I do believe I'm going to be okay.

Sunday Sanctuary #1

So, as I've mentioned before, God is a very important and intrical part of my life. So I have decided to devote a post every Sunday to Him. The following is actually a post I had made to a group I belong to on Facebook during the week of Holy Week (the week between Palm Sunday and Easter, if you aren't familiar). Here it is:

"Abba, Father," he cried out, "everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine." -Mark 14:36 (NLT)

From the moment He looked upon Jerusalem to the moment He drew His last breath, the final week of Jesus' life was filled with this one thought. He was experiencing the full brunt of His own mortality and even the knowledge of His own resurrection did not pacify the fear and dread that filled Him during a period we now call Holy Week. As He rode in on that donkey, He knew it would be the last time He would ever do it. This was it and there was no turning back. He was a dead man walking, and the worst part was that no one else had any idea of the events that were about to unfold.

Now, I bring this up for two reasons: Number one is that we tend to dehumanize Jesus. Not in a bad way-just in the way we do with every other historical figure. We forget that these were real people with real lives. People with real emotions. They are no different than we are now. 

The second reason is to fully show how much He loves us. He could have turned back. He could have called forth a thousand angels ("Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?" -Matthew 26:53) and prevented His own execution. But He didn't. Instead, He went through one of history's worst documented tortures and executions because He knew that was the only way to save the human race. It was the only way to turn the tide and save us from a fate far worse than death. 

So, as Holy Week comes to a close, remember that this was the ultimate act of love.

Dating, and a possible explanation as to the perpetual bachelor thing

So, one thing that has perplexed my friends and family, is the fact that I am a perpetual bachelor. They've just grown to accept that I'm single and that status is in no danger of changing any time in the foreseeable future. Which just so happens to be a fact that I have come to accept, myself.

So, to begin with, let's get a few things out in the open. Yes, I am straight. As the Macklemore lyric goes, I've loved girls since before Pre-K. I'm not anti-relationship by any means, nor do I think that I will be single forever. I've had some...hiccups in the dating arena in the past, which has led to some trust issues that I'm still working to resolve. That actually is the first reason why I'm single.

The second, and this is the one that confuses people, is that I genuinely enjoy being single. I'm a very independent person with a very active schedule (both work and otherwise), so the last thing I would want a girlfriend to feel is squeezed into my life. If I'm going to be with someone, she would need to be a significant part of my life and I honestly do not have the ways or means to make that happen. Plus, as I've said before, I'm a very independent person and I love doing my own thing; many times just by myself. It's pretty awesome, actually. I don't get lonely that often, and if I do, I have friends and family I can spend time with.

The third is that I honestly do not have a solid clue as to what (or really who) I am looking for in a potential mate. Sure, I have some ideas, but nothing really concrete. That alone has caused issues in the past. Someone who can communicate effectively is obviously in the running, of course. I have a very low tolerance for drama and high maintenance people. I need someone who, not only has a solid idea of what she wants out of life, but is pursuing it, or is at least in the process of pursuing it. I need someone who is very physically active and loves being in the outdoors. I need someone who will see the worst of me and know (and support me during these times) that it's only something that is occurring in my life and not a permanent situation. Someone who actually wants to spend their life with me and help me share my life with them. Someone who will make me laugh and make me think. A creative spirit and a voracious reader would be most excellent. These are just some of the things that I am looking for in a mate. 

Thankfully, no one has really questioned why I am still single. It's pretty obvious that, for the most part, I've got this nailed down (and I am trying to improve where I can, when I can). I suspect that many of them are holding out hope that I will re-enter the dating scene soon. To be honest, I'm hoping for the same thing. 

So, there it is for you. Hopefully it makes some semblance of sense. I will make one point in closing: I do need to begin a family sometime soon. As far as I'm aware, I'm the last male with my last name. Which means that there is the possibility of the name dying with me. Which would sadden me to a great degree.

Stoked for tonight

If you're not familiar with the Toblowsky Files, it's a podcast by the actor Stephen Toblowsky. They are phenomanly brilliant. Tonight I am heading to Seattle to a live recording of an episode of the podcast with my dear friend Kati (whom I haven't seen in years).

I wouldn't miss this for the world. Happy Saturday, folks.