The Beauty and The Storm

In my life, I've had setbacks. In my life, I've had both days that didn't work out and days that made zero sense. In my life, I've had the inexplicable hit the fan.

Today was that day.

So, fair warning, I try and sugar coat my life. Even my depression. Especially my depression. But, as things go, that always doesn't work out. And, believe it or not, if you were to meet me in person, I would put on a brave face and pass things off in the best light. It's who I am and it's who I will always be.

Today is not that day.

In this life, if one is fortunate, you will hit a wall. Maybe not once. Okay, never just once, but you will pretend it is. But you will reach a point where you just can't. Where there is no option in your life where you can not, in any way, shape or form, deal with the physical environment around you. Where, in all honesty, reality has fecaled the bed and you just...can't.

The worst part, is the everyone around you is living their life. Doing their own thing as your world dissolves in front of them. Actually, the worst part of all of this is that they (meaning the human populace around you) is 100% oblivious. They neither know nor remotely care. And they have no reason to.

Their life is not yours.

Your life isn't theirs.

Which means, at some point, you've been "that guy" in the middle of Walmart trying on shoes or looking at the back of a DVD while someone near by is sobbing their eyes out. And, not only could you care less, but you know less. You won't care and you have no reason to. You're just doing your thing while their whole world falls apart.

So, to sum things up because it's late: I'm sad. Life has handed me a hard and familiar hand. I hit a point, mentally, where I was squally angry and disappointed by the news that I got this morning.

And I'm not okay.

At all.

I'm mad, in fact. But that is life. Life WILL make you angry. Life WILL make you sad. Life WILL hurt your heart. But, even after you're gone, life WILL move on. And there is zero chance that that will stop.

What happened, happened. That's just how things work. Disappointment is a guarantee. The only thing that isn't is how you react.

Pain is pain. It's as unchanging as the rain that falls and the sun that shines. Growth is not. You don't have to grow. You should, mind you, and believe me, life will force you to. You will be given all and every choice to move on. It may, or may not, be even remotely immediate, but it will be there. That fork in the road will always be there.

I faced a fork today. I faced some honesty painful disappointment today. I got a response that hurt the heart. But, instead of dwelling, I'm growing. Instead of hurting, I'm healing. I'm moving on.

Because, at the end of the day, we have one life to live. And, as deep as the dark gets, I will forever strive for the light.