Showing posts with label grief and loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief and loss. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

The Day the Earth Stood Still.




Grief changes shape, but it never ends.” — Keanu Reeves
Even the smallest act of service, the simple act of kindness, is a way to honor those we lost, a way to reclaim that spirit of unity that followed 9/11.” — President Barack Obama
Five years from the date of the attack that changed our world, we’ve come back to remember the valor of those we lost — those who innocently went to work that day and the brave souls that went in after them. We have also come to be ever mindful of the courage of those who grieve for them, and the light that still lives in their hearts.” — Rudolph Giuliani

Seventeen years. In some ways, it feels like a lifetime ago. In some ways, it feels like something that happened far in the past. In another life. In some ways, it’s hard to imagine a world before September 11th, 2001. 
And in some ways, it still feels like it happened yesterday. The day that the Earth stood still.

That fateful Tuesday morning was clear, bright, and full of possibility. It was, from what I remember, a warm day. I was still living at home with my parents (having graduated from high school the year prior and currently working retail). I remember coming out of my room and the television was on. My parents sat on the couch, stunned, silent, frozen. The images on the screen looked like something out of a Hollywood blockbuster. They kept showing the first plane hit the North Tower. There was an explosion, followed by flames and the blackest smoke that I had ever seen. I stood there, mesmerized. The newscasters, every time that the camera went back to them, had this…stunned look on their face. They were in just as much shock as the rest of us. There was no way that this could possibly be happening.
In this horrific loop was the next unthinkable event: one of the planes was getting incredibly close to the South Tower. There was nothing anyone could do. It slammed into the landmark and exploded. 
Since I live on the West Coast, the events that were unfolding happened while I was still asleep. By the time that I had woken up, both towers had been struck. When I woke up, the world had already changed forever.
And then, at 9:59 Eastern Standard Time, the World Trade Center’s South Tower collapsed. This was happening in real time — yet it is still one of the most surreal moments of my life. It was the first time that I had seen people die — and it happened on national television. We all gasped. There was no way that this could be happening. A behemoth of a structure fell as if nothing more than a deck of cards. I knew, we all knew, that anyone who had been in that building was instantly dead. 
Everything froze, in that moment. Life stopped. The Earth stood still and ceased to exist as one of the most notable features of the Manhattan skyline collapsed upon itself and folded into the ground. Where there was one a monument made of steel and concrete. A complex so large that it had its own zip code. Gone. In an instant. Taking the lives of everyone who was unfortunate enough to still be inside when it fell.
And, almost a half an hour later, the North Tower fell. Collapsed in the exact same way that the South Tower fell. And, once again, anyone still inside perished.

Not only had the Twin Towers fallen, but that day the Pentagon was struck by one of the hijacked airliners. The brave souls on Flight 93, the last aircraft that had been hijacked, banded together and took down their captors before crashing and perishing.

For the first time in aviation history, at 9:42, the FAA grounded all flights over and bound over the continental United States. Over the next two and a half hours, over three thousand commercial flights and over a thousand private jets were guided to land in airports all over the US and Canada. For the first and only time in my life, there wasn’t a single plane overhead. The skies were truly empty.

The rest of the day was a blur. To be honest, the rest of that month was a blur. A haze of surreal shock that gripped us. The footage of the attacks played 24 hours a day on television. It was the topic on everyone’s tongue. 
Yet, we as a nation, woke up. We as a nation started paying attention to our fellow neighbors once again. There was such an out-pour of blood donations that people were turned away. Volunteers came from all over the world to Big Apple to assist with the recovery of possible survivors. Through the ashes, we rose. We bonded to our fellow man. We hurt, cried, and mourned as one. And even in our desire to seek retribution, we also sought out understanding as to what could have lead up to this. We opened up our eyes to the world once more. 

In the seventeen years that have come and gone, so much has changed. Gone is the unity that we had reclaimed that day. Forgotten are the lessons that we should have learned. 
On the days that followed September 11th, we were reminded of how great our country can be. When, regardless of color, creed, or any of the other labels that we use to forget that we’re all of the same species; we banded together as one. 
As we think back to that day, not too long ago, we need to ask ourselves this: what will it take for us to regain that unity, once again? What will it take for us to embrace those all around us? What is it going to take for us to set aside our differences, once and for all? What is it going to take?

Saturday, October 28, 2017

In Mourning.

I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart.” — Romans 9:2

There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief.” — Aeschylus

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” — Washington Irving

There’s no beating around the bush about this — today is not an easy day. Today marks the 14th anniversary of my Dad passing away. And, while that may seem like quite a long time; to those who have lost someone, especially someone who you were closed to and loved, fourteen years is nothing. Fourteen years may as well have been yesterday.

Because, as they never tell you in books or movies or anything of the such — grief never truly goes away. There’s no cure for it. It is a permanent scar upon the heart that only you can truly see. Can truly feel.

The thing about grief is that it is much like it’s blood brother, Depression. It’s not always front and center. Sure, it never goes away, but most days (once enough time has passed), it plays quietly in the background like an ever-present, but ever so soft dirge. Some days, most days really, you don’t notice it. You go about your day as if life is normal. These are the blessed Good Days.

The Bad Days are an entirely different story. Again, much like it’s blood brother Depression, when grief rears it’s ugly head, it is an unstoppable wave of sorrow and pain. The weight of loss beats you down and threatens to drown you in anguish and heartache. When you start crying uncontrollably over something seemingly simple — a lyric to a song, a line in a movie, a passerby who resembles too much like the person you lost, a smell of something that reminded you of them. Even a good event, such as getting married, giving birth, or a long awaited promotion, can bring about the torrent of remorse — because the one person who you wish you could share this moment with is gone forever.

Bad Days can (and most often do) start from the moment you wake up. You wake up sad (as if there were ever such an ineffective description as this) and no amount of attempted joy will ever bring you up from the true pits of despair. These are the worst of the Bad Days.

One of the worst aspects of Bad Days is that they can compound so quickly. Bad Days turn into Bad Weeks. Even Bad Months. When grief and depression share an unshakable suffocating bond upon your very being. When your heart is in an ever tight vice, slowly crushing you. 

And the worst part about the Bad Days, the grief, and the depression, is that it’s an Invisible Monster. One that is tearing you apart and no one else can see it. No one else can feel it. No one else can truly experience it. 

Today is a Bad Day for me. I woke up missing my Dad and remembered the date. Today is not going to be an easy day for me in the slightest. But, I’m still going to go on living it. I’m still going to take care of myself as best as I can. And, as much as I have the deep desire to be alone, I know I’m going to go to a bad place mentally and emotionally if I allow myself to push people away. 

So I won’t. I know my Dad would want me to be happy. I know my Dad wouldn’t want me missing him and letting the despair crush me. I know my Dad wouldn’t want me to suffer. So, in honor of him and in despite of myself, I will make a day of today. 

In closing, I leave you with one more quote. It’s from the last part of the seventh book of the Harry Potter series written by J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. The quote was by Dumbledore: “Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love.”