Let This Quote Sink In...

The Lateness of the Hour

For as long as I can remember, I've always been a night owl. There's something about the absolute serenity when the rest of the human race has turned in for the night that brings me peace. I even have a "magical period", which in between 11pm and 3am. This is when a day is truly ending and the world is entering a period of slumber. This is also when I, if the opportunity is there any way, step outside and wander.

For the record, I don't meditate in the traditional sense. I can't sit still long enough and I can't shut my brain off. Meditation, for me, is in the form of walking. At most, I pick a direction and see where it takes me; but most of the time, I wander off and just let my feet take over while my brain does its best to sort itself out. I talk to myself, mostly, or I talk to God about the big stuff that's going on in my life or rattling around in my brain. Or I'll just stroll and listen to the symphony of the night. Sometimes, actually most of the time, this is when I am most at peace with everything. Stress melts away during my "magic period" and I am most able to...just be.

As I am typing this, it is 1:23 in the morning. I got off work an hour and a half ago and I'm just soaking in the silence before both my brain and body decide it's time to rest. I felt the nudge to blog, so I am. I might step back outside and wander a bit. Not sure. That's the other beauty about this time. Life is completely free and completely open to possibility. I don't have to go anywhere or do anything. Nothing is expected of me and my slate (during this time period each night) is entirely clean. Also, might I add, this is when I do a good chunk of my blogging. It's when the words flow best for me.

Now, this blog post might sound entirely arbitrary. It is. I felt the prompt to write, so I am. I'm hoping there's big news on the horizon, but everything, right now at least, is in a bit of a holding pattern. I also realized something tonight: I'm at peace with how things are. It's not good, it's not bad, it's just...life. I honestly don't have much control over the current state of things; but what I do have control over, I have maximized to the best of my ability.

Speaking of which, I think that's how I'll end this post. I'm a bit done typing at the moment (no offense to you, dear reader) and I really don't have much more to say on anything until the pieces finally fall into place. Rest assured, though. No matter what happens, I'm not going anywhere.

Knock on wood.

In Like A Lion...

So, with March now being slightly over half over and the official start of Spring being next week; I figured I would finally post on what's been going on.

First off, all apologies for the delay in posts. Time has simply slipped away from me, with all that has happened. 2015 seems to be going at double the speed that 2014 was at. It also has proven to be a year of turbulent progress. Life is moving drastically forward in an equally dramatic fashion. With that being said, here goes:

For the record, the weather here for the first half of March has been unseasonably warm. A few days ago, it even reached the low 70's. It has been record setting temps for the month; and even south Texas, were my sister lives, has been cooler than it has been up here. I bring this up for two reasons: #1 With the lack of snow in the mountains, we're sure to have a wicked drought this coming summer. The other reason is that, in my personal and especially my professional life, things have been dark and gloomy. I've had many setbacks and have internalized a terrible amount of stress. To the point where I have felt like I'm losing my mind and have felt like the walls of my life have been closing in on me. It hasn't been healthy, to say the least. 

Then, out of the blue, the weather started taking a turn for the worst and my life, again both personally and professionally, have begun to start taking a turn for the better. I had back to back interviews with recruiters from Comcast and I've begun to get some amazing love and support from an awesome group of friends. This past weekend, I had an accidental vacation (more that partially to do with my phone both dying on me and playing and expert game of hide-and-go-seek) where I had a temporary but completely necessary escape from reality. I was able to be me without any external (and especially internal) pressure to be...well, an adult. For about 48 hours, I had escaped the rat race and was reminded that life doesn't have to be completely serious 24/7. 

So where does this leave me? Well, the mini-vacation worked. I've relaxed, regrouped, and refocused on the future. I was reminded that I'm not facing this alone and I'm going to use that to my advantage. I'm going to pursue the Comcast and, with luck, my next post will be as an employee with them.

As you may have noticed, I did keep this one a bit vague. Simply because so much has happened and I honestly don't feel like going into it all. But, as the rains come down and the rivers begin to swell, life is beginning to shine once again.

Insomnia Induced Novels

While laying in bed, trying to sleep, I finally came up with my first novel. And it's title: "The Kid With Cancer". Be prepared to cry.

So, basically, this good kid-early 20's secretly goes to the doctor and finds out that the leukemia he had as a teenager has returned. In full force. The book opens with the doctor giving him the news that he's going to die. The book is about the last year of his life.

The opening sentence (which I'm not 100% sold on) is: "The one undeniable fact that everyone is denying is that I'm going to die."

The story behind the title is that, when he was a teenager and was first diagnosed with leukemia, he was known in his high school as "the kid with cancer". It went into remission by middle of senior year, he goes to prom, graduates, then goes to college. 

In college, he meets the love of his life, they love in together, and then he starts getting sick. He hides it the best that he can, but sneaks away and gets the fateful doctor's appointment.

Greatness and Goodness

"Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them."

William Shakespeare - Twelfth Night

“Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but of your goodness, Dobby never knew.” J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

We often idolize people who do great works. Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Helen Keller, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr., Neil Armstrong, etc. People who have overcome great odds and changed the world. Single individuals who pave the way for the rest of the human race to follow suit. And all of these individuals have one thing, one word in common: 

Drive.

"No" simply wasn't in their vocabulary. They had every reason to give up; especially when they faced odds that logically should have defeated them. Yet they took their failures and built successes out of them. They defied those who told them that the effort wasn't worth the heartache of failing and came out on top in the end. They, in short, showed us how to live. 

Yet, the ones who stand out even amonst those who do great are the ones who also do good. They give their all, even their own lives, in the selfless servitude of their fellow man. They sacrifice their own needs and desires daily to better the lives of others. These are the ones who truly show us that each life, each person, no matter how great or small the world thinks of them to be, they matter. No life is lived in vain in the eyes of those who are equally good and great. And it is through the selfless sacrifice of these few individuals that the world is changed into a better place. If even for a little while, their light is the rose that grows in concrete.

So, it is my challenge to you, as I place this challenge upon myself. Don't just be great. Be good, as well.

The Blink of an Eye

A childhood friend of mine died yesterday. We hadn't spoken much since graduation (maybe a handful of times, at most), so I'm not suffering as much as his actual friends are. It's just...sudden. I don't have much information on the matter, so I won't be going into any deals. Also, in respect for the family and friends, I won't go into it. The only point I would like to make is this: he had a birthday a few days prior and I didn't bother to wish him a "happy birthday". And now he's gone and the opportunity is gone forever. 

Now, you can easily say that I had no way of knowing he would be taken so soon; but that's my point exactly. One day he's here and the next he's taken. It would have taken two seconds to say "happy birthday" and I didn't. Life serves steep lessons sometimes. This is one of them. 

We all have this preconceived notion that we'll live forever. Or die old. Or have warning of our own demise before it happens. The harsh truth is that none of these are guaranteed. Nothing in life is. Life, rarely at best, goes the way we expect it to go. We are entitled to nothing in this life and yet we take every day for granted as if there's another one waiting for us when we go to bed at night. The truth of the matter is that there is no guarantee that we'll even make it to bed when we wake up in the morning. Zero guarantee that the day you awaken to will be a full one. 

My point is this: you only have a set number of days and no one, especially you, knows when your time is up. So make the most of the fraction of life you have left.

Hello, Darkness, My Old Friend

Two things: First an apology for being gone so long. Even though 2015 is really barely just begun, we're already in the second month and so much has already happened. This year is meant to be one of drastic changes and it will not take any prisoners in the process. If you're not willing to ride the wave, you may find yourself swept up underneath it.

Second, I have a lot on my mind. Too much on my mind. Instead of risking a second night of insomnia, I figured I instead to put words to screen so I can actually manage to get some rest. Fingers crossed, anyway. However, I won't be disclosing much of it due to the fact that so much is up in the air at the moment. Yeah me.

So, to begin, I would like to point our that The Sound of Silence is my favorite Simon and Garfunkle song. It always has been, as well. The title of the blog post is straight from it. The tone is haunting and bleak. It is filled with loneliness and longing. You can almost hear their hearts aching with every word that they sing. Yet, on the same coin, it is a song of poetic beauty. They see the false prophets of profits that the world has forged for themselves and the two singers do not seek to follow the same path. They hold fast to a bittersweet integrity that has been long forgotten by the world. Instead of speaking empty words, they echo forth the sound of silence. They know they are truly alone and they fully accept their fate.

At times, this has been a hard blog to write. To be completely honest, to bare my heart and soul each time, to allow you a glimpse into the inner recesses of my mind; it takes sacrifice. As Ethan Hawke so eloquently put it recently, "It doesn't come for free." I am, in full honesty, here for you as I am for myself. I know my own bittersweet melody is the crying voice of others, as well. And if I can give voice to the beaten and broken-hearted; then let my words ring loud and true.

In closing, dear readers, I am here for you. You are not alone and know now that your silence is a sound that echoes across the world.