No Longer Running

We humans fear success as much, if not more than we do failure. We do. Change, especially big, important change is the ultimate unknown. As complex as our brains are and completely able to handle the greatest abstract with ease; as soon as something equally complex, but real, comes along, our brains shut down and fear is kicked in. Anything that actually changes our reality is met with opposition. 

There's a girl I'm interested in, but I'm not going to follow through with it. Mainly because she has a boyfriend and I neither cheat or poach. It's not who I am. The other reason is the reality behind it. She's a caring, sweet girl with a lot of complicated things on her plate. None of that phases me in the slightest. Lord knows the last thing I have is a simple life. But the reality that it would become a genuine relationship, and maybe even a big one, scares me. Even though I know she wouldn't leave another scar on my heart; even the remote possibility of it happening is enough for me to stand back.

Here's the flipside, though. Unlike in the past, if she were to pursue it, I would go for it. Fear be damned, I would push past and take my chance. IF she were to say that she broke up with her boyfriend and would be interested in seeing a movie or something, I would. Only then, though. I know what it's like to be cheated on, so I'm not going to poach someone else's girlfriend. And I'm not going to pursue someone who's only looking for a friend (which I'm more than happy to be).

Like most things in life, there's only a small window of opportunity for this to happen. I really haven't told anyone this, but this past Tuesday I put in my two weeks notice at work. This girl work right near me; and the liklihood of me going back to that mall, at all really, is slim to none. Ethically, morally, I cannot remain with this company (especially everything that has happened within the past week).   I also know she's mostly in her way out, which I don't fault her for in the slightest. So the opportunity for ANYTHING to happen has to happen in ten days or less. And, to be fully honest, if the opportunity arises to leave sooner, I'm taking it without a second thought. I'm done. 

Retail has always been my safety net; but I'm cutting the strings at last. To others, it will look like I'm falling, but the reality is that this is a leap of faith. To a better future. To a better reality than what I have now. I'm severing the occupational umbilical cord and finally becoming the person I was meant to be. I'm no longer running away from me.