The Phantom You Once Knew

My brain is taking its sweet time shutting down tonight, so I do believe another blog post is in order; so as to expedite the process. I have decided to make this post about something I do deliberately (for the most part, anyway). And that is: disappear.

I am a ghost. At least I am some of the time. When life is proving to be more complicated than it truly needs to be and when I am starting to feel suffocated by the entire of the human race, I disappear. Vanish. Drop off the face of the earth to, well, recharge and regroup. To breathe again, at least for a little bit. I slip away, mostly without warning or notice, and return when I can be human once again.

A while back, I read an article about outgoing introverts. While this sounds like a complete contradiction in terms, it described me quite well. Even things I didn't even notice about myself until reading the article. One of the things was the need to slip away after being surrounded by people for an extended period of time. To seek out isolation from time to time is, evidently, not a trait that everyone possesses.

Now, the issue with this is that it causes concern from others. They worry that something is amiss (which I will fully admit has been a leading cause in the past) and that my disappearing is unhealthy. A sign that my depression is getting the better of me. I don't fault them for their concern; and I do admit that it is a major reason why I have slipped away in the past, but my disappearance is never a bad thing. I "escape" (if you will) so that I can collect my thoughts be stabilize my mental and emotional state. So, if anything, my random travels are a good thing.

There is another aspect of this. When I "ghost myself": meaning completely stop going somewhere or disappear out of someone's life suddenly and entirely. I have been known to do this, but it is a rare occurrence and always due cause. It is a defense mechanism solely used to escape a situation that is proving to be harmful and that is the only way to end it. When I do it to an individual, it is not out of spite or anger. It is not an act of revenge. It is simply that the situation between myself and the other individual has taken a dramatic turn for the worse. And, yes, I fully admit that I have dropped out of someone's life because I was the one who was the negative entity. By removing myself from the situation and that person's life, they are able to move on, heal, and ultimately grow from my absence.