It's just after midnight and sleep is being elusive once again. You can't really blame the heat this time (although that has been the obvious culprit for the past month) and it's not for lack of exhaustion, either. No, once again, my brain has made the decision that sleep is unnecessary and that now is the time to revisit my recent past. Which leads me here, once again.
Today was a good day. I am still searching for another job, but I had an interview that went really well. Extremely well, actually. In fact, towards the end of it, both the women I was interviewing with and myself came to the same conclusion that the position I had originally applied for would not be a good fit for me and to try a different position with the same company instead. That kind of candor is extremely rare, but I have noticed that with every startup that I interview with, there is zero mystery as to what I would be getting myself into and complete transparency as to what the next step is (or if there will be one in the first place). After that, I went home and hit the hunt hard. Occupationally, it is far better to have too many options than none at all. And I am not one who sits idly-for anything. Patience may be a virtue, but it has never been one that I have possessed.
A friend of mine recommended recently that I start looking into anti-depressants. I explained to him that (other than cost) my primary concern is that I will become dependent, or even addicted to them. His concern for me is entirely valid and it's something that I have considered for myself. Which is why as soon as I have the means, I'm going to start taking St. John's Wort. I've done my research and it seems to be the best available option. Minimal risk of addiction, easily available, easily affordable, and it's an herb as opposed to a pill. Thus, minimal chance of side effects. I'm also going to be getting back into shape; and I've even been looking at exercises that will help me gain that ever elusive six pack. Even if I don't achieve it, building up my core will help my back out exponentially. Which will lesson my overall daily pain, thus improving both my physical and mental health. An all around win.
The state I live is is notorious for being extremely wet, yet I cannot remember the last time that it rained. We are going through a severe drought and fires are springing up everywhere. This worry alone is keeping me up at night. Temperatures have been much higher than normal and it's rare that we even have a cloudy day. At first, I would jokingly say "This is why I left Texas" and now I mean it. In fact, if anything, the area down there where I was living has gotten more rain than we have.
There's other things, many other things, that are going through my head right now; but I don't have it in me right now to divulge them. I will leave you with a bit of good news, though. It genuinely feels like my life is leaving the holding pattern it was in and things are going to be moving suddenly and quickly. I will also say that it looks like my desire to move to Seattle will once again become a reality before the end of the year. I don't want to go into details, but, while the present doesn't look the best, the future looks to be an amazing place.
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