"Every Saint Has a Past, Every Sinner Has a Future"

I make no excuses for my past. I'm human. I screw up-A LOT. Daily, to be honest. I'm far from perfect, and I make no bones about it. I've burned bridges that should still be standing. I've stayed on bridges that were clearly in flames. I trust too much, and not enough. I forgive and I hold on; probably much longer than I should. I am my own worst enemy, but I know I'm not the only enemy I have. And I know that those who hold a grudge against me have every right to.

But, at the end of the day, I'm still trying.

I was shot down, again, by unnamed tech company today. And there's a strong chance that I may have to leave B&N due to transportation issues. Both of which makes me equally sad and angry. I have fought, so damn hard, so completely damn hard, to finally get ahead and get my life back on track this year; only to be met with roadblock after roadblock. Mind you, there have been some (more than some, to be honest) that have been my fault. I am, as mentioned before, my own worst enemy. But, on the flip-side, there have been instances (such as my cancer scare this summer) that came out of the blue. Or the elongated job hunt that dragged on months longer than it should have. This has been a hell of a year and it's not over yet.

But I'm still kicking.

"Even foul balls are practice for home runs." I came up with that this evening when discussing this year's events. Ok, to be honest, it popped into my head and I typed it out. But I like it. Just like I like the Oscar Wilde quote that I'm using as the title. I know I'm not perfect. I know there are those out there who have every right to be angry at me, and are. I know I'm not done screwing up.

But I'm also not done trying to make things right.

"The Lannisters always pay their debts" is a very nefarious saying in the Game of Thrones/Song of Ice and Fire series. But, when Tyrion, the so-called Imp says it, he means it in the sense of the good of the realm. He doesn't care about gold or glory. He's there to right the wrongs and to finally fix the Seven Kingdoms (even as they tirelessly try to tear themselves apart). He's also my favorite character in the series. He actually gives a damn about Westeros and, even though all the odds are stacked against him (physical limitations being chief among them), he's still trying to not only right the wrongs of others, but of his own faults and disastrous mistakes. He is hardly a saint, but he's also a sinner who is trying. He could care less about his own fate-if anything, he has damned himself in his own mind. But if one commoner is spared or The Wall gains one more brother who will fight the good fight; then he can rest well knowing that there was some benevolence in the Universe. If only for a short while.

To be completely honest, I have no clue how this year is going to end. To call it a roller coaster is far too cliche to aptly describe it. I, frankly, don't even know if I'll survive to see the end of it. None of us have that guarantee. But I do know that when the end comes (may it be the end of the year or the end of my life) that I will not be who I was at the beginning of it. I'm stronger now. I'm more determined now. I'm more humble now. And I'm less perfect now. But, as we shed the facade of "perfection" do we truly allow ourselves to grow and become the individuals we were meant to be all along.