Writing A New Chapter

There's a popular saying that goes "when one door closes, another one opens". For the longest time (and still, to some extent now), the saying got on my nerves. Not just the fact that it's a trite concept of life; but also that it's such an unrealistic view on how things work. It's as if they believe that there's some magic fairy that waves their wand when things go bad and "poof" everything is better again.

Yet, Newton's Third Law of Motion states that for every action, there's and opposite and equal reaction. And life is eternally in motion; so, perhaps, there's some truth to the glib platitude.

To be blunt, I'm not sure where my life is, at this moment. It's no longer in Limbo, but it doesn't feel like there's going to be any massive life changing events before the end of the year. Which, let's be honest, I'm quite grateful for that. This year has had it's fill of turbulence and I would be quite pleased if it would calm down for a bit. I'm working again (albeit severely part time); but I'm back in my element- a bookstore. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I started working for B&N. The commute is a nightmare, but when is it ever not? Most everyone has a dreadful commute, so why should I be any different. I'm single, still, but I'm much more open to the possibility of a relationship than I have been in quite some time. Let's be honest, if I keep waiting for the conditions to be right for me to date, I will die alone. Which is a concept that I'm not fond of at all.

No, as of this current moment, it feels as if I just allow myself to let go of the illusion of control over my life, then things will actually fall into place. What that exactly means, I'm not certain. But, if there has been one indisputable fact that this year has given me, it's that the harder I try to "fix things", the more likely they are to unravel. So, by doing the exact opposite-letting go, I'm actually letting life take care of itself. At least in theory.

In ten days, I begin NaNoWriMo. I'm finally writing a book. And, I'm actually kinda at peace with it. I'm not stressing about it (yet) and I'm not doubting myself as to whether or not I can pull it off. I haven't had the opportunity to put together an outline; but considering the format I'm going with, an outline might now work in the first place. No, the one thing that does give me apprehension is that I looked up just how many words 1,667 is (that, by the way, is the daily word count needed to pull off 50k by the end of November) and it was a lot more than what I was expecting. But, it's only insurmountable if I psych myself out about it. Will I face challenges? Of course. Without a doubt. But it's worth it. Not only is it the reason I was put on this Earth, but it's something I deeply enjoy doing. Which was something else I was reminded of as I started working at B&N.

Sometimes fate needs you to pave your own way, and other times life needs you to just let things happen. I had a dream the other night that was a huge wake up call. I was basically shown that I have been stressing way too hard about things that were never in my control to begin with. Instead of walking through a door, I've been pushing at a wall trying to make it open. So, as I write this book and create a fictional life, I'm going to let my real life play out in whatever way it needs to.

Because, sometimes the best way to make a change is to do nothing at all.