Leveling Out

So, I want to share something that has been on my mind a lot over the past week: For the first time in a long time, I have stability. A Monday to Friday job, set hours, set pay, an awesome place with an awesome roommate, etc. For the first time in a long time, my life is able to become predictable.

Which, I'm not going to lie - it scares me.

Not that my life is leveling out, but because, in the back of my mind, I'm waiting for the shoe to drop. For life to blindside me and turn everything on its head. As much as I genuinely want to be happy and excited about this (which, don't get me wrong, I am), the possibility of things hitting the fan is something I can't push out of my brain.

If you think I'm being paranoid, there's a reason I'm having this knee jerk reaction: within the past five years I've lived in two different states, held numerous jobs, and have had multiple addresses. The past year alone I had about five jobs (one of which I was fired from unexpectedly), had a cancer scare, and was briefly homeless. I have gone through so much in such a small amount of time.

So the prospect of having a "normal" life is kinda freaking me out. In fact, the other day, I was making plans for the next six months and it felt alien to me to be doing it. That alone is something I haven't had the luxury of doing in a long time.

So, what does this mean? First off, I've begun writing again. I've had a character in the back of my mind and I'm giving him life at last. I don't have a title or even a plot, but so far I'm loving it. Second, part of the plans I am making is getting out of debt, getting my credit score up, and saving money. Maybe, God willing, start investing once again. And, third, I'm opening myself up to the possibility of dating once again.

It also means I am, finally, once again, at peace. Content. Able to smile. The trials and tribulations have only made me stronger. And I am more than willing to start living again.