“Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.” — Neil Gaiman
Today is a good day. I woke up with relatively little physical pain — but more importantly, my head was in a good place. That doesn’t always happen. Some days it can be hell to just to get out of bed. I got lucky. Today wasn’t that day.
I’m pretty blunt when it comes to my continual battle with depression. I don’t pretend that I don’t have it or hold on to the illusion that it will eventually go away. It’s hereditary, literally a part of who I am; so instead of even bothering to try and sweep it under the rug, I pull it out and expose it the daylight. I want to lead by example that you can still have a pretty normal life while dealing with the demons inside. If nothing more than it keeps that dark voice at bay.
I’m here today to tell you that depression is a liar. I’m here today to tell you that you are good enough. I’m here today to tell you that there are people out there who do love you and that you are not alone. I’m here today to tell you that all is not lost.
I’m here to tell you that the voice inside is wrong.
I’m also here today because I have been told that I am alone, no one loves me, that I will never be good enough and that my life is meaningless. And I fought back. I fight back. Because, while most of my days are good days, there are still days that are hell. There are days when the monster inside rears its ugly head and takes hold. Sometimes there’s a trigger — but not always. There are days when everything is going fantastic and I struggle so hard to keep my head above the mental dark waters.
The worst part about this is that the darkness inside doesn’t need an excuse to try and destroy you. The monster lurks in the shadows. Always waiting.
I’m also here today to tell you that having depression doesn’t make you weak — it makes you strong. Having depression puts you in the same boat as Winston Churchill. Robin Williams. Mark Twain. Edgar Allen Poe. Charles Dickens. Stephen Fry. Ernest Hemingway. Abraham Lincoln. Calvin Coolidge. Michelangelo. Isaac Newton. J. Robert Oppenheimer. William Faulkner. Edgar Degas. Hans Christian Anderson.T.S. Eliot. Kurt Cobain. Kurt Vonnegut. Jackson Pollock. Akira Kurosawa.
I am a fighter and so are you. And in this fight you are not alone. Ever.
Embrace the good days. They are more frequent than you realize. Know that even when the battle is at its worst, it still doesn’t have to be a losing one. Know that no matter how right it feels to give up, it’s not. Know that, while not everyone wins the battle, the only one who truly makes that decision is you. You are not alone and your story doesn’t have to end here.
You can survive this. I make the choice to live. So can you. One day at a time.
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