So it begins.
A new chapter in my life has begun. I woke up yesterday morning with the feeling that everything was different. That this past weekend has changed the course of my life. For better or worse, I begin on a path that I will walk for the rest of my life.
The question is: what?
Not to be cryptic, but I have no idea what the change is or will be. It was an amazingly fantastic weekend, but there wasn't anything remotely overt in the life changing department. The only thing is that I can tell you is that I woke up stronger. Ready to take on the world once more. I regained my determination to make this life mine and to not take any prisoners or compromises in the path that I feel I should be walking. To the future that I will make my own.
I will say this: I'm done putting my life on hold. I'm done waiting. The kid gloves are coming off and I'm putting myself and my needs first. I'm not saying "no more mister nice guy" because I am always going to be that guy. I'm always going to be there for others and to treat them better than I treat myself. But I am getting out of my own way and I'm ready to take this life by the horns and see where the bucking bronco takes me.
The last time this happened, this feeling, I was living in Texas two months later. I am no stranger to sudden and drastic life changes. When I let go of my doubts and get out of my own way, big, nay, drastic life changes happen overnight. And it has begun once again. I'm wiping the slate entirely clean and starting from scratch.
As of right now, everything is an option. Living situation. Relationship status. Job and career path. Empires will rise and fall and the mental eclipse that has been blackening my potential is rolling away once more. It's time to hit the ground running and to show the world just exactly what I'm made of. It's time to bring forth why I was put on this Earth to begin with.
The winds of change are blowing. And the air has never been sweeter.
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Monday, July 13, 2015
The Words in My Veins
"Oh girl, this boat is sinking. There's no sea left for me. And how the sky gets heavy, when you are underneath it. Oh, I want to sail away from here. And God.... He came down, down, down..." - Otherside by Macklemore.
As a writer, there is nothing more intimidating than a blank screen and a blinking cursor. Ideally, it's an invitation to create, but it can be the most frightening and paralyzing thing you can see. There's a lot of doubt that fills the very essence of your being as you look at the possibility of either utter and complete failure or skyrocketing success. Or, the worst of it all-mediocrity. Because I, like every other writer, would rather be a terrible writer than a mediocre one. One who's craft is utter meaningless crap.
Being a writer is the loneliest type of magician there is. We create whole worlds; while we can barely live in our own. We're shut-ins by nature. We HAVE to be shut ins-the world is a noisy place and full of distraction. We're dysfunctional by default and the best of us are truly broken souls. Some of, hell probably most of the greats dealt with crippling depression and more than a few committed suicide. And addiction is something that runs just as rampant in the wordsmith community. We let the coping mechanisms take over; and most of the time we don't even realized it. Writing staves off the demons in our head for a while, but never permanently. Which is the other main drive of why we keep writing. And, to clear the air right now-no writer writes to get rich. No real writers, any way. The biggest and most universal addiction that writers have is writing itself. The flow of words as they materialize in front of us is almost a high. No, strike that, it is one. When a writer is "in the zone" we're getting high on our own craft and there's a fire inside us that allows us to feel alive once more. Which is why when we stop writing, the crushing weight of depression kicks back in. Hence the quote at the beginning of this post.
By nature, writers are difficult people to be around for an extended period of time. I am, at the very least self-actualized to both realized and admit this. I know how moody I can be; even if I don't realize at the time how difficult I'm being. Don't get me wrong-we're (for the most part) very down-to-earth and (somewhat) friendly people. Some of us (such as myself) are also extremely non-judgmental people you'll ever meet. But being around us for an extended period of time is about as good for you as being around untreated uranium. By nature we can be extremely self-destructive and it's hard to maintain a friendship that is constantly doubting themselves. One minute we can think we're the best writer that has ever put pen to paper and the next we want to set fire to everything we have ever written. Especially during the editing process.
Before you start thinking we're the most terrible people to ever walk this Earth, there's many redeemable qualities about us. First off, we LOVE our readers. I cannot emphasize that enough. To know that someone is reading our work (and hopefully is enjoying it) is the biggest thrill. The most gratifying experience is when someone says that they love our work. I'm not going to lie-we may be skeptical at first, but that's only because, as I mentioned before, we constantly doubt ourselves and our work. So, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, we love our readers far more than you love us. Someone told me recently that they loved something I had written and I wanted to hug the crap out of them.
Second is our quirks are pretty awesome. Writers love our tools. I'm a big quality pen freak. Quality pens are pretty much the best thing ever. Especially when you hear them scratch over quality paper and the magic begins again. And typewriters. Despite where technology has taken us, every writer should not only own a typewriter, but use it at least once a year. I personally do not own one, but I will as soon I have the ways and means to pick one up. Growing up, my family had an electric Smith Corona and the hum it made while it sat there waiting for the magic to begin; followed by the ecstasy educing sound of the pounding of each letter hitting the paper and the creation of each word. The clanking and rattling is the best sound in the world. As soon as I can, I'm going to find and pick up one of those Smith Coronas for myself. I honestly know and believe that I need one of those in my life.
Writers are also readers and we're always searching for amazing quotes. When I came across this Buzzfeed article the other day, I had to bookmark it immediately: http://www.buzzfeed.com/jenniferschaffer/i-am-i-am-i-am#.mtr7xMeBa The perfect turn of a phrase is what we live for. There is a strange electricity in the forming or reading of a perfect sentence. In fact, the one of the best is Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn; as every sentence is razor sharp and cuts to the bone. Not a single word is wasted and that is truly a rare thing to find in any novel. I honestly tip my hat to her.
Brevity, as you may have noticed, is not my strong suit. I realize that. Which is why I'm cutting this short. Writers have a strong tendency to go off on tangents and I'm a perfect example of this. To be blunt, I had the strong urge to write and this is what came from that. I will add, in closing, that I started watching the show Californiacation yesterday and the show struck pretty close to home for me. The show, if you're not aware, is about a writer who is dealing with crippling bout of writer's block and it's about his struggle to not only write, but deal with life while he can't. If you do check out the show, be forwarded that there is a lot of sex, drinking, and somewhat drug use. He also smokes like a chimney. But he also has a lot of redeeming factors about him. And it is honestly the most closest depiction of what being a writer is truly like. Because, at the end of the day, the thing that is most vital to writers is writing itself.
As a writer, there is nothing more intimidating than a blank screen and a blinking cursor. Ideally, it's an invitation to create, but it can be the most frightening and paralyzing thing you can see. There's a lot of doubt that fills the very essence of your being as you look at the possibility of either utter and complete failure or skyrocketing success. Or, the worst of it all-mediocrity. Because I, like every other writer, would rather be a terrible writer than a mediocre one. One who's craft is utter meaningless crap.
Being a writer is the loneliest type of magician there is. We create whole worlds; while we can barely live in our own. We're shut-ins by nature. We HAVE to be shut ins-the world is a noisy place and full of distraction. We're dysfunctional by default and the best of us are truly broken souls. Some of, hell probably most of the greats dealt with crippling depression and more than a few committed suicide. And addiction is something that runs just as rampant in the wordsmith community. We let the coping mechanisms take over; and most of the time we don't even realized it. Writing staves off the demons in our head for a while, but never permanently. Which is the other main drive of why we keep writing. And, to clear the air right now-no writer writes to get rich. No real writers, any way. The biggest and most universal addiction that writers have is writing itself. The flow of words as they materialize in front of us is almost a high. No, strike that, it is one. When a writer is "in the zone" we're getting high on our own craft and there's a fire inside us that allows us to feel alive once more. Which is why when we stop writing, the crushing weight of depression kicks back in. Hence the quote at the beginning of this post.
By nature, writers are difficult people to be around for an extended period of time. I am, at the very least self-actualized to both realized and admit this. I know how moody I can be; even if I don't realize at the time how difficult I'm being. Don't get me wrong-we're (for the most part) very down-to-earth and (somewhat) friendly people. Some of us (such as myself) are also extremely non-judgmental people you'll ever meet. But being around us for an extended period of time is about as good for you as being around untreated uranium. By nature we can be extremely self-destructive and it's hard to maintain a friendship that is constantly doubting themselves. One minute we can think we're the best writer that has ever put pen to paper and the next we want to set fire to everything we have ever written. Especially during the editing process.
Before you start thinking we're the most terrible people to ever walk this Earth, there's many redeemable qualities about us. First off, we LOVE our readers. I cannot emphasize that enough. To know that someone is reading our work (and hopefully is enjoying it) is the biggest thrill. The most gratifying experience is when someone says that they love our work. I'm not going to lie-we may be skeptical at first, but that's only because, as I mentioned before, we constantly doubt ourselves and our work. So, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, we love our readers far more than you love us. Someone told me recently that they loved something I had written and I wanted to hug the crap out of them.
Second is our quirks are pretty awesome. Writers love our tools. I'm a big quality pen freak. Quality pens are pretty much the best thing ever. Especially when you hear them scratch over quality paper and the magic begins again. And typewriters. Despite where technology has taken us, every writer should not only own a typewriter, but use it at least once a year. I personally do not own one, but I will as soon I have the ways and means to pick one up. Growing up, my family had an electric Smith Corona and the hum it made while it sat there waiting for the magic to begin; followed by the ecstasy educing sound of the pounding of each letter hitting the paper and the creation of each word. The clanking and rattling is the best sound in the world. As soon as I can, I'm going to find and pick up one of those Smith Coronas for myself. I honestly know and believe that I need one of those in my life.
Writers are also readers and we're always searching for amazing quotes. When I came across this Buzzfeed article the other day, I had to bookmark it immediately: http://www.buzzfeed.com/jenniferschaffer/i-am-i-am-i-am#.mtr7xMeBa The perfect turn of a phrase is what we live for. There is a strange electricity in the forming or reading of a perfect sentence. In fact, the one of the best is Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn; as every sentence is razor sharp and cuts to the bone. Not a single word is wasted and that is truly a rare thing to find in any novel. I honestly tip my hat to her.
Brevity, as you may have noticed, is not my strong suit. I realize that. Which is why I'm cutting this short. Writers have a strong tendency to go off on tangents and I'm a perfect example of this. To be blunt, I had the strong urge to write and this is what came from that. I will add, in closing, that I started watching the show Californiacation yesterday and the show struck pretty close to home for me. The show, if you're not aware, is about a writer who is dealing with crippling bout of writer's block and it's about his struggle to not only write, but deal with life while he can't. If you do check out the show, be forwarded that there is a lot of sex, drinking, and somewhat drug use. He also smokes like a chimney. But he also has a lot of redeeming factors about him. And it is honestly the most closest depiction of what being a writer is truly like. Because, at the end of the day, the thing that is most vital to writers is writing itself.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
The Thoughts That Cost Me Slumber
It's just after midnight and sleep is being elusive once again. You can't really blame the heat this time (although that has been the obvious culprit for the past month) and it's not for lack of exhaustion, either. No, once again, my brain has made the decision that sleep is unnecessary and that now is the time to revisit my recent past. Which leads me here, once again.
Today was a good day. I am still searching for another job, but I had an interview that went really well. Extremely well, actually. In fact, towards the end of it, both the women I was interviewing with and myself came to the same conclusion that the position I had originally applied for would not be a good fit for me and to try a different position with the same company instead. That kind of candor is extremely rare, but I have noticed that with every startup that I interview with, there is zero mystery as to what I would be getting myself into and complete transparency as to what the next step is (or if there will be one in the first place). After that, I went home and hit the hunt hard. Occupationally, it is far better to have too many options than none at all. And I am not one who sits idly-for anything. Patience may be a virtue, but it has never been one that I have possessed.
A friend of mine recommended recently that I start looking into anti-depressants. I explained to him that (other than cost) my primary concern is that I will become dependent, or even addicted to them. His concern for me is entirely valid and it's something that I have considered for myself. Which is why as soon as I have the means, I'm going to start taking St. John's Wort. I've done my research and it seems to be the best available option. Minimal risk of addiction, easily available, easily affordable, and it's an herb as opposed to a pill. Thus, minimal chance of side effects. I'm also going to be getting back into shape; and I've even been looking at exercises that will help me gain that ever elusive six pack. Even if I don't achieve it, building up my core will help my back out exponentially. Which will lesson my overall daily pain, thus improving both my physical and mental health. An all around win.
The state I live is is notorious for being extremely wet, yet I cannot remember the last time that it rained. We are going through a severe drought and fires are springing up everywhere. This worry alone is keeping me up at night. Temperatures have been much higher than normal and it's rare that we even have a cloudy day. At first, I would jokingly say "This is why I left Texas" and now I mean it. In fact, if anything, the area down there where I was living has gotten more rain than we have.
There's other things, many other things, that are going through my head right now; but I don't have it in me right now to divulge them. I will leave you with a bit of good news, though. It genuinely feels like my life is leaving the holding pattern it was in and things are going to be moving suddenly and quickly. I will also say that it looks like my desire to move to Seattle will once again become a reality before the end of the year. I don't want to go into details, but, while the present doesn't look the best, the future looks to be an amazing place.
Today was a good day. I am still searching for another job, but I had an interview that went really well. Extremely well, actually. In fact, towards the end of it, both the women I was interviewing with and myself came to the same conclusion that the position I had originally applied for would not be a good fit for me and to try a different position with the same company instead. That kind of candor is extremely rare, but I have noticed that with every startup that I interview with, there is zero mystery as to what I would be getting myself into and complete transparency as to what the next step is (or if there will be one in the first place). After that, I went home and hit the hunt hard. Occupationally, it is far better to have too many options than none at all. And I am not one who sits idly-for anything. Patience may be a virtue, but it has never been one that I have possessed.
A friend of mine recommended recently that I start looking into anti-depressants. I explained to him that (other than cost) my primary concern is that I will become dependent, or even addicted to them. His concern for me is entirely valid and it's something that I have considered for myself. Which is why as soon as I have the means, I'm going to start taking St. John's Wort. I've done my research and it seems to be the best available option. Minimal risk of addiction, easily available, easily affordable, and it's an herb as opposed to a pill. Thus, minimal chance of side effects. I'm also going to be getting back into shape; and I've even been looking at exercises that will help me gain that ever elusive six pack. Even if I don't achieve it, building up my core will help my back out exponentially. Which will lesson my overall daily pain, thus improving both my physical and mental health. An all around win.
The state I live is is notorious for being extremely wet, yet I cannot remember the last time that it rained. We are going through a severe drought and fires are springing up everywhere. This worry alone is keeping me up at night. Temperatures have been much higher than normal and it's rare that we even have a cloudy day. At first, I would jokingly say "This is why I left Texas" and now I mean it. In fact, if anything, the area down there where I was living has gotten more rain than we have.
There's other things, many other things, that are going through my head right now; but I don't have it in me right now to divulge them. I will leave you with a bit of good news, though. It genuinely feels like my life is leaving the holding pattern it was in and things are going to be moving suddenly and quickly. I will also say that it looks like my desire to move to Seattle will once again become a reality before the end of the year. I don't want to go into details, but, while the present doesn't look the best, the future looks to be an amazing place.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Just Breathe
So, there's a song out there by Telepopmusik called Breathe. If you're not familiar with it, it's an EDM song with beautiful female vocals. If you're not familiar with it, the refrain "Just breathe, just breathe, another day" is repeated over and over. It The whole song is melodically soothing and has a calming effect every time I hear it. Like releasing a long held breath that you didn't realize you were holding.
One of my bad habits that I will fully admit that I have is that I overthinking things. Lots of things. Most things, really. Not to the point where I'm indecisive about everything. But the point where I over-complicate things and instinctively do things the hard way. It's always how I've been and I know that is how I will always be. Which is why some of the absolute best advice I have ever gotten (and need to be reminded of with frequency) is "just breathe". Just stop. And breathe.
Now, before you think of me as a basket case (or perhaps, you've already have suspected this), I am capable of making decisions. I make loads of them. All the time. I listen to my gut and follow my instinct. In fact, most of the decisions I make on my feet and in the moment. I not only trust my intuition, but others rely on it as well. When I'm in the moment, I am capable of making massive, possibly even life changing decisions in seconds. There's been times when I have had to do just that.
But, it's the other times. The times when I'm entrenched in a situation and I'm not allowing myself to seek out outside influences to help me make a decision. The times when a problem went from having a simple solution to a complicated outcome. Or, rather, when my brain sees an ant hill and decides to start mountain building. When my brain takes a simple "yes" or "no" question and I have to evaluate all aspects of what I am being asked. Or when I set forth on a task that should only take a few minutes, but complications arise (for any given reason) and my brain enters problem solving mode. When I actually stop breathing and my own intellect becomes my own worst enemy. When I become my own worst enemy.
This is why music is so cathartic to me. I can shut out the rest of the world and shut myself out, as well. When my headphones are in, the world becomes a small and feasible. I stop over-analyzing every minute detail and just...do. I just breathe.
So, that's what this post is about. I'm passing on the advice to you. Just breathe. Just let go of everything you think you need to consider and listen to your gut. In through your nose, out through your mouth, and do.
One of my bad habits that I will fully admit that I have is that I overthinking things. Lots of things. Most things, really. Not to the point where I'm indecisive about everything. But the point where I over-complicate things and instinctively do things the hard way. It's always how I've been and I know that is how I will always be. Which is why some of the absolute best advice I have ever gotten (and need to be reminded of with frequency) is "just breathe". Just stop. And breathe.
Now, before you think of me as a basket case (or perhaps, you've already have suspected this), I am capable of making decisions. I make loads of them. All the time. I listen to my gut and follow my instinct. In fact, most of the decisions I make on my feet and in the moment. I not only trust my intuition, but others rely on it as well. When I'm in the moment, I am capable of making massive, possibly even life changing decisions in seconds. There's been times when I have had to do just that.
But, it's the other times. The times when I'm entrenched in a situation and I'm not allowing myself to seek out outside influences to help me make a decision. The times when a problem went from having a simple solution to a complicated outcome. Or, rather, when my brain sees an ant hill and decides to start mountain building. When my brain takes a simple "yes" or "no" question and I have to evaluate all aspects of what I am being asked. Or when I set forth on a task that should only take a few minutes, but complications arise (for any given reason) and my brain enters problem solving mode. When I actually stop breathing and my own intellect becomes my own worst enemy. When I become my own worst enemy.
This is why music is so cathartic to me. I can shut out the rest of the world and shut myself out, as well. When my headphones are in, the world becomes a small and feasible. I stop over-analyzing every minute detail and just...do. I just breathe.
So, that's what this post is about. I'm passing on the advice to you. Just breathe. Just let go of everything you think you need to consider and listen to your gut. In through your nose, out through your mouth, and do.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
The Space In-between
So, to begin, I'm in a weird place mentally. I'm not down and I'm not depressed, which, theoretically I should be, all things considered. I'm not numb or indifferent, either. In fact, if anything, despite all evidence, I'm actually cautiously optimistic about the future. I still feel like things are not only going to fall into place, but are in the process of doing so. Despite the recent "hiccup" in my employment, I feel like things are still on track towards a pretty amazing future.
Speaking of employment, I am wiping the slate clean. I have my focus of Seattle startup companies and, thankfully, there's a plethora of them out there to apply to. I have an interview tomorrow morning with one of them and I really actually dig them. In fact, if anything, they may actually be a better fit for me than Porch was; and it's a non-sales position, which is even better. I'm trying to not "fall in love with them", but my fingers are crossed that I land it. The really nice thing about them is that they're a very dog friendly company, and I am a huge dog lover. Being surrounded by dogs all day (they encourage employees to bring their pooches in) has me really excited to work there. But, like Porch, they're not my only focus and I'm still very much plugging away at the job search.
I'm dreaming again, which is weird for me. I rarely dream and the fact that it's happened two nights in a row is bizarre to me. The previous night I dreamed that I had a two year old daughter that I shared custody with. The mother was unseen in the dream, but my daughter was blonde and I knew that she had gotten it from her mother. I also recall that I was on good terms with the unseen mother, but we were separated because being in a relationship with each other wasn't a good thing (for whatever reason). And then last night I dreamed of a barista I used to be really closed to. She and I were on really good terms and had worked out our differences. Which, for both dreams, caused me to wake up feeling greatly confused.
I'm holding fast to my goals this time. Adversity breeds growth, if you're willing to learn the hard lessons. I'm not letting go of what I honestly believe will be a fantastic future, just because I am going through a somewhat rocky present. I am nothing if not determined and perseverance is one of my strong suits. I know what industry I want to work in, the role I want to play in said industry, and even where I want to move to before the end of the year. I am open to the possibility of a relationship and there's even someone who I have been talking to as of late.
I know not what the future holds, but it's up to me to seize it. Onward and upward, my friends.
Speaking of employment, I am wiping the slate clean. I have my focus of Seattle startup companies and, thankfully, there's a plethora of them out there to apply to. I have an interview tomorrow morning with one of them and I really actually dig them. In fact, if anything, they may actually be a better fit for me than Porch was; and it's a non-sales position, which is even better. I'm trying to not "fall in love with them", but my fingers are crossed that I land it. The really nice thing about them is that they're a very dog friendly company, and I am a huge dog lover. Being surrounded by dogs all day (they encourage employees to bring their pooches in) has me really excited to work there. But, like Porch, they're not my only focus and I'm still very much plugging away at the job search.
I'm dreaming again, which is weird for me. I rarely dream and the fact that it's happened two nights in a row is bizarre to me. The previous night I dreamed that I had a two year old daughter that I shared custody with. The mother was unseen in the dream, but my daughter was blonde and I knew that she had gotten it from her mother. I also recall that I was on good terms with the unseen mother, but we were separated because being in a relationship with each other wasn't a good thing (for whatever reason). And then last night I dreamed of a barista I used to be really closed to. She and I were on really good terms and had worked out our differences. Which, for both dreams, caused me to wake up feeling greatly confused.
I'm holding fast to my goals this time. Adversity breeds growth, if you're willing to learn the hard lessons. I'm not letting go of what I honestly believe will be a fantastic future, just because I am going through a somewhat rocky present. I am nothing if not determined and perseverance is one of my strong suits. I know what industry I want to work in, the role I want to play in said industry, and even where I want to move to before the end of the year. I am open to the possibility of a relationship and there's even someone who I have been talking to as of late.
I know not what the future holds, but it's up to me to seize it. Onward and upward, my friends.
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Stronger
Today has been a long day. A productive day, but also a long one as well. This was the first day that I truly buckled down on the job hunt and I lost track of how many applications I submitted. Even though there was a wide variety in different places, they all had one thing in common: I actually wanted to work there.
You see, as bad as the firing was (in the fact that I was just rejected from a company that I love), it was a massive wake up call. I am not (within reason, of course) limited to where I can work. The only one holding me back is me and the only one limiting my success is me. I am, as the saying goes, my own worst enemy. Porch showed me that, just because I do not have a college degree, I am not truly limited to where I can work. Sure, it most definitely helps. I'm not going to lie. But there were whole companies that I was avoiding applying to because I felt like I wouldn't even get hired on. I was shooting myself in the foot before I even gave myself a chance. Porch opened my eyes that, just because one position isn't available due to my lack of higher education, it doesn't mean that all the positions within that company are out of reach.
Speaking of which, I re-applied to Porch this afternoon. This time I went for an inside sales position; which is perfect considering that is what I have the most experience in. I also applied to a manager's position; and since I also have years of experience, I figured that I would give it a shot. But the real reason I re-applied was to show myself that I could. There was a lot of hesitation before hitting "send" on the application, but after I did, I felt a weight come off my shoulders. So I continued and found other positions within that company to apply to. There was even one position I accidentally applied twice to. Oops.
As promised, I'm definitely not keeping my eggs in one basket this time around. In fact, I didn't even re-apply to Porch until the end of the day. I am, however, looking at other start-ups in Seattle. I thoroughly enjoyed the atmosphere in which I worked in; and I'm definitely looking to replicate that in the next place that I work at-wherever that may be.
I am stronger. My adult life has been, for lack of a better term, rocky, and this was just one of the many blows that I have received. I have taken a proverbial beating, but I'm still on the mat and I'm still swinging. I don't give up easily and this is just one more storm that I am going through. As hard as this was, this was not the end of me. With each dawn comes another chance to rise above the ashes. With each daybreak comes another opportunity to rise above. the trials and tribulations of my past. I know not how many days are left in the invisible calendar of my life, but I'm going to make sure that I make each one matter.
As the saying goes: "This too, shall pass."
You see, as bad as the firing was (in the fact that I was just rejected from a company that I love), it was a massive wake up call. I am not (within reason, of course) limited to where I can work. The only one holding me back is me and the only one limiting my success is me. I am, as the saying goes, my own worst enemy. Porch showed me that, just because I do not have a college degree, I am not truly limited to where I can work. Sure, it most definitely helps. I'm not going to lie. But there were whole companies that I was avoiding applying to because I felt like I wouldn't even get hired on. I was shooting myself in the foot before I even gave myself a chance. Porch opened my eyes that, just because one position isn't available due to my lack of higher education, it doesn't mean that all the positions within that company are out of reach.
Speaking of which, I re-applied to Porch this afternoon. This time I went for an inside sales position; which is perfect considering that is what I have the most experience in. I also applied to a manager's position; and since I also have years of experience, I figured that I would give it a shot. But the real reason I re-applied was to show myself that I could. There was a lot of hesitation before hitting "send" on the application, but after I did, I felt a weight come off my shoulders. So I continued and found other positions within that company to apply to. There was even one position I accidentally applied twice to. Oops.
As promised, I'm definitely not keeping my eggs in one basket this time around. In fact, I didn't even re-apply to Porch until the end of the day. I am, however, looking at other start-ups in Seattle. I thoroughly enjoyed the atmosphere in which I worked in; and I'm definitely looking to replicate that in the next place that I work at-wherever that may be.
I am stronger. My adult life has been, for lack of a better term, rocky, and this was just one of the many blows that I have received. I have taken a proverbial beating, but I'm still on the mat and I'm still swinging. I don't give up easily and this is just one more storm that I am going through. As hard as this was, this was not the end of me. With each dawn comes another chance to rise above the ashes. With each daybreak comes another opportunity to rise above. the trials and tribulations of my past. I know not how many days are left in the invisible calendar of my life, but I'm going to make sure that I make each one matter.
As the saying goes: "This too, shall pass."
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Left Behind
Sometimes, the thing that you fear the most will happen, does. Monday, so two days ago, I was released from Porch due to the lack of sales on my part. The term that was used, which is probably the most humane way to phrase it, is that they decided it was "time to part ways". This will not be an easy post to write, so please bear with me as I'm still dealing with this.
First off, I'm not surprised. Remotely. This particular position was not a good fit for me and I fully acknowledge it. I struggled every day and they gave me far more chances than I would have given me if the roles had been reversed. From a manager's standpoint, they had no other option than to let me go. You can fully believe in something, pour your heart and soul into it, and still not be any good at it. The analogy I used in that meeting was that Michael Phelps (the gold medal winning swimmer) can't throw a three pointer. To be honest, I'm not sure if this is true or not, but it's the best analogy I could think of in that moment. I guess a more fitting one would be that you wouldn't expect Michael Jordan to climb a mountain. I can be incredibly amazing in sales, but (as is perfectly evident) completely terrible when it comes to cold calling. Regardless of how much I believe in the company that I work for and how much good it does to the companies that I'm reaching out to. In fact, one of the things that is admitted from all the sales managers is how brutal the job can be. I fully respect them for what they did and in the humane way that they let me go.
Second, this is the first company that I've left, for any reason, that I would consider coming back to. Period. The role I was in was not a good fit for me, but the company most definitely was. They truly are doing good things and treat their employees phenomenally. I stand by them one hundred percent and, if I were a homeowner, I would use Porch myself to find a home improvement contractor. To get what it's like to work there, watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHLpaT20to0 There is a solid reason why I fell in love with this company and why I wouldn't hesitate to work there again if the opportunity arises. Actually, the interesting thing is that when I first applied to Porch, I applied to the sales position that I would wind up getting offered, and an account management position. At the end of my first week at Porch, I met up with a couple account managers and asked them what exactly they did, and what was described to me sounded like a much better fit than the sales position that I had accepted. When I worked at the bank in Texas, the thing I enjoyed most about my job was actually sitting down with one of my customers and helping them with their account. On the personal side, I've helped friends build their LinkedIn profiles and have written resumes for them from the bits and pieces of information that they have given me. Friends actually come to me to have me go over their resumes so they can land the jobs that they are pursuing. I know I would do extremely well in that particular role, and, now that I'm an external candidate, I plan on pursuing it.
The third thing, and this was rather surprising as it's never happened before, is that in the brief time that I have been unemployed, I have been approached by two different recruiters. The opportunity, as it appears, to get back on the horse is there. But it also means that I would have to leave behind Porch. Because there aren't any open account manager positions available and one of the two recruiters is approaching me with an account executive position, it might be time to truly "part ways"' regardless of how much I care about them. Not sever ties, by any means, but to let go and move on.
My brief time at Porch taught me a lot. They showed me that there are still some ethical companies out there that are truly doing good work. They showed me that you actually can go to work and have a good time at the same time. They showed me that it was possible to sever ties with the corporate world and still land on your feet. They showed me that there are still some companies out there that truly value both their employees and their customers. They showed me that there are still some companies out there that have big dreams and aren't afraid to "get scrappy" to achieve them. They showed me that perseverance in the face of utmost adversity is still something that is respected in the workplace. They showed me that there are still places out there that you can work at and not feel yourself lose your humanity. They showed me that failure (to an extent) is still an acceptable thing in the workplace; so as long as it is used as a building block to success. They showed me that there are still companies out there that care. And they're being run by people that care.
What happened sucks. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't still feeling the sting of this. But that doesn't change the experiences I had while I was there; doesn't end the friendships that I built there; and doesn't change the fact that I truly loved working there. What it does change is the bar in which I have set for my future employers. No more will I settle for less because it brings in a pay check. No more will I settle for less because it's "safe". Not only have my standards been raised significantly, but I know now that there are companies out there that will meet and exceed them.
First off, I'm not surprised. Remotely. This particular position was not a good fit for me and I fully acknowledge it. I struggled every day and they gave me far more chances than I would have given me if the roles had been reversed. From a manager's standpoint, they had no other option than to let me go. You can fully believe in something, pour your heart and soul into it, and still not be any good at it. The analogy I used in that meeting was that Michael Phelps (the gold medal winning swimmer) can't throw a three pointer. To be honest, I'm not sure if this is true or not, but it's the best analogy I could think of in that moment. I guess a more fitting one would be that you wouldn't expect Michael Jordan to climb a mountain. I can be incredibly amazing in sales, but (as is perfectly evident) completely terrible when it comes to cold calling. Regardless of how much I believe in the company that I work for and how much good it does to the companies that I'm reaching out to. In fact, one of the things that is admitted from all the sales managers is how brutal the job can be. I fully respect them for what they did and in the humane way that they let me go.
Second, this is the first company that I've left, for any reason, that I would consider coming back to. Period. The role I was in was not a good fit for me, but the company most definitely was. They truly are doing good things and treat their employees phenomenally. I stand by them one hundred percent and, if I were a homeowner, I would use Porch myself to find a home improvement contractor. To get what it's like to work there, watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHLpaT20to0 There is a solid reason why I fell in love with this company and why I wouldn't hesitate to work there again if the opportunity arises. Actually, the interesting thing is that when I first applied to Porch, I applied to the sales position that I would wind up getting offered, and an account management position. At the end of my first week at Porch, I met up with a couple account managers and asked them what exactly they did, and what was described to me sounded like a much better fit than the sales position that I had accepted. When I worked at the bank in Texas, the thing I enjoyed most about my job was actually sitting down with one of my customers and helping them with their account. On the personal side, I've helped friends build their LinkedIn profiles and have written resumes for them from the bits and pieces of information that they have given me. Friends actually come to me to have me go over their resumes so they can land the jobs that they are pursuing. I know I would do extremely well in that particular role, and, now that I'm an external candidate, I plan on pursuing it.
The third thing, and this was rather surprising as it's never happened before, is that in the brief time that I have been unemployed, I have been approached by two different recruiters. The opportunity, as it appears, to get back on the horse is there. But it also means that I would have to leave behind Porch. Because there aren't any open account manager positions available and one of the two recruiters is approaching me with an account executive position, it might be time to truly "part ways"' regardless of how much I care about them. Not sever ties, by any means, but to let go and move on.
My brief time at Porch taught me a lot. They showed me that there are still some ethical companies out there that are truly doing good work. They showed me that you actually can go to work and have a good time at the same time. They showed me that it was possible to sever ties with the corporate world and still land on your feet. They showed me that there are still some companies out there that truly value both their employees and their customers. They showed me that there are still some companies out there that have big dreams and aren't afraid to "get scrappy" to achieve them. They showed me that perseverance in the face of utmost adversity is still something that is respected in the workplace. They showed me that there are still places out there that you can work at and not feel yourself lose your humanity. They showed me that failure (to an extent) is still an acceptable thing in the workplace; so as long as it is used as a building block to success. They showed me that there are still companies out there that care. And they're being run by people that care.
What happened sucks. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't still feeling the sting of this. But that doesn't change the experiences I had while I was there; doesn't end the friendships that I built there; and doesn't change the fact that I truly loved working there. What it does change is the bar in which I have set for my future employers. No more will I settle for less because it brings in a pay check. No more will I settle for less because it's "safe". Not only have my standards been raised significantly, but I know now that there are companies out there that will meet and exceed them.
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