The Blank Slate

The beautiful and most challenging thing about each post is that it begins with a blank page. Nothing but white and a blinking cursor prompting you to share your innermost thoughts and realities. It has no objective, holds no bias, and forms no opinion other than the one created by the writer who uses it.  It's simple, clean, and utterly daunting if you allow it to be.

Such is also every day. A day, regardless of how fantastic or nightmarish, is but 24 hours long. The sun creeps over the horizon, slowly glides towards its zenith, before descending and tucking back into the folds of darkness. All the events that occur within that span can be entirely independent or entwined with those that have preceded it in days, weeks, and months past. The entire basis of the consistency of our lives is but a continuous chain of these 24 hours of existences.

Your past? A sequence of days that have led up to your present moment. You have zero control now over the events of your past. You are no more chained to your past than you are to the sky. The future? Simply hasn't happened yet. The realm of possibilities is utterly endless. The only thing that your past and future have in common is that both are contained within the sands of time. 24 hours of experiences. The ones you have already have and the ones you will. It's as simple as that.

We humans tend to think of things as a narrow, linear path. The road from point A to point B and all the things that lie in-between. It's the writers, the artists, the philosophers, and the entrepreneurs who truly see just how malleable our lives really are. Mozart was competent with the keyboard and violin by age 5, whereas Stan Lee didn't release his first comic until he was almost 39. One of Edison's most famous quotes is "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work."; but a better quote by him was "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

On the flip side, nothing is as simple as we pretend it to be. The "straight and narrow" is hardly straight and not always narrow. It's full of unforeseen dead ends, u-turns, and blinking red traffic lights. You can have a bad day in the middle of a great month and a few dodgy months in a pretty average year. Circumstances are never as permanent as we pretend that they are. The sun rises, and it also sets. The air is still until the wind blows. Bad days and good days come with equal ease.

Whenever a difficult situation arises, there are but two ways you can face them: as a stone or as a river. Certain times, it is necessary to be the stone - unmoving and relentless. Push through and persevere. In the immortal words of Winston Churchill "If you're going through hell, keep going." Other times, it is pertinent to be the river. Flow around your obstacles and adapt. Move on and move forward. It's not always easy to discern which you should choose to be; and sometimes it takes both to make progress and begin the next stage of life.

This blog is my life. Each entry, like each day, begins with a clean slate. Some entries are done in a matter of moments while others take several days to write. And, as with every entry and every day, there is a beginning, middle, and an end. So make the most of the slivers of time that you have been granted. For there will be a day when the blank slate becomes the last one you'll ever have.

The Two Second Difference

Tonight, I had a chance to do a good deed. Twice. And both times took but a fraction of a moment. Let me explain.

The first time, I was about to board a bus, when the girl in front of me tapped her card (we have cards here where you can load money on to them and travel by transit. It's bloody useful) and it said "Insufficient Funds". She tried explaining to the bus driver that she had loaded her card earlier that day; and he was about to boot her, when I pulled out my wallet and handed her the cash. She thanked me and I told her I had been in a similar spot before. We sat apart. End of story one.

The second time happened but ten minutes ago when I overheard a teenager who's waiting for the ferry (just as I am) call a sibling and tell them that he missed his boat (just as I did). I let him know that I'm already getting a cab and we can share it, so he's not stranded. Turns out he's getting off at a different stop as I am and he was able to get a ride. Problem solved. End of story two.

The point I'm trying to make is not to toot my own horn, but that both instances took less than a minute. The fraction of time it takes to make a difference is minimal, at best. Whether its holding the door for someone, letting a person with less items than you go first in line, or even sparing some change to a person you'll never see again. All it takes is just putting yourself out there and making a difference. Even a small one.

Now, both times, I expected nothing in return. Why should I? I don't gain, and that wasn't my motivation. In fact, both times, I didn't give my actions a second thought. Just as when I hold the door open for someone. A kind gesture is not a transaction. There's no exchanging of "karmic" goods. I've done many a good deed and had nothing good reciprocated in return. That's not why I do it. I do it because, if I were in their shoes, I would wish that someone would step up and take action. It's as simple as that.

The Golden Rule, as universal as it is, is far from common place. Most people think it takes a grand effort to make a grand difference. When, in all reality, all it takes is but minimal effort and time to chance someone else's reality.

The moral of the story is this: If you want to change the world, start small. Start in the moment. If you want to see kindness in others, be kindness yourself. Because in the end, we all die. It's how you live that truly matters.

The Slow Snowball of Success

We all dream of different things. One of my closest friends aspires to be a successful artist. Another close friend once wanted to be a professional makeup artist. I, as you know, aspire to be a published author. I've known people who have dreamt of becoming singers, police officers, video game designers, even stay-at-home parents. And, to be quite honest, I know quite a few people who "have no idea what they want to do when they grow up". But each dream is unique to each person. Even the ones who say they don't have one to begin with.

We think that there's some secret formula to success, but really it's a simple mathematical equation: The amount of effort put into the goal times the amount of time spent achieving said goal. If this sounds familiar, it is. Science. Newton's second law of motion: "The greater the force, the greater the acceleration in the direction of that force." (Force, by the way, is mass times acceleration) So, the more time and effort we spend on trying to achieve a goal (in this example, a career), the more likely we are to succeed at doing so. To break this down comprehensively, there's far more inertia in a speeding train than there is crawling snail.

Now, as with the science of motion and the in-exact science of life, there are unseen barriers and circumstances that stand in our way - and can derail us completely. This would be summed up in Newton's first ("A body in motion will remain in motion at constant velocity unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.") and third ("For every action, there's an opposite and equal reaction.") laws of motion. What goes done must eventually come up. What is going must eventually stop or alter course. In the example of careers, a promotion is a slight change in course; whereas a new job is a much greater change in course. Sometimes, many times actually, a complete alteration of the previous career path.

To use myself as an example, I have had many different sales and customer service jobs, but my current position has little customer interaction and zero sales. It's strictly an analytical position. Yet, writing, which is the career path I wish to do as a full time career eventually, is a complete opposite of both of those types of jobs. In fact, the one common denominator (the most important common denominator) is that they all effect the greater populace in one way or another. Influencing people, you could argue, is my biggest skill set. I have traveled down many different paths, but they all lead to the same road.

So, the question I leave you with is not "what is your dream?" but "what are you doing to achieve it?". What steps are you taking to reach it and what are you procrastinating on that is hindering you in your goal? Are you a locomotive or are you a tumbleweed? Because, let's be honest, the biggest boulder in the journey to your dreams is you.

The Fables We Live

"A story has no beginning or end; arbitrarily one chooses that moment of experience from which to look back or from which to look ahead." - Graham Greene (The End of the Affair, 1951)

We humans like to imagine that our lives are this one linear path; when the truth of the matter is that the points between life and death are hardly that. The grand selection of roads that we travel on during the journey from crib to coffin is staggering if you stop and think about it. Even the most boring individual has loved, laughed and mourned multiple times in their lives. Children have begat from two strangers who just so happen to be in the throws of passion. A slight mistake from one individual can lead to the demise of another. Relationships and careers begin and end and begin once again numerous times. Random excursions become daily routines and more random excursions occur to break the monotony of daily existence. 

Not all the roads we travel are highways and dead ends. Most of life lies somewhere in-between. 

I started this blog on a whim and its continued success and existence surprises even me. It helps that I have no agenda for it beyond just telling the story of my life as it occurs. I make no illusion of perfection and I try and be as honest about my shortcomings as I can be. I disclose much; but also refrain when the need arises. You could easily make the case that I write about everything and nothing at the same time - and be correct in doing so. And the full reason I continue on is simple: to tell my story.

You see, we as a species need stories just as much as we need food, water, and air. Whether it's in the form of a song, a play, a novel, or a painting; we need an escape from our realities and the ability to dive into others. In this modern age, we have the luxury of ebooks, blogs and vlogs, podcasts, and Netflix; but they all fulfill the same need.  it's fact or fiction matters not. Honestly, not even the quality of it matters (our "guilty pleasures"). But, nevertheless, as much as we need the stories that are told, we need those who tell them. I was born a storyteller and I honestly don't feel fulfilled unless I am telling one. My existence is but one speck of sand in a universe of beaches, but the fact that it's narrated draws others to it. And so, my story continues.

The point I'm trying to get at is that you don't have to be famous or a historical figure to have your story told. I have encouraged friends, family, and even strangers to start blogging. We all have facets of our existences that are fascinating to someone else. Lessons we have learned (or should) and mistakes that we overcome that someone else needs in their life. Storytelling is an integral part of the building of relationships and communities. And, let's be honest: it's what we need to keep us sane in this utterly chaotic world that we live in. And I can personally attest to how completely cathartic it is. To purge what is on my heart and dwelling in my mind is freeing - to say the very least. It keeps the demons at bay, helps me work out problems that seem too insurmountable, and even allow me to see the opportunities that are staring me in the face. 

So, long story short, we all have a story to tell. We all have lives that matter to others - even to individuals whom we may never meet. But, unless you tell your story, it remains with you until the very end. Because, even the most skilled biographer cannot truly tell your story for you.

The Only Thing That Changed Was Everything

So, first off, bear with me. I've been awake since five in the morning and have barely had a nap. So I'm going to make this as coherent as humanly possible. Bear with me. Also factor in that it's been a bit of a long week. I'll be going into further detail in this post.

In short, my life is once again in transition. When is it not is the real question. But, this particular transition is a solid good one. A future building (I hope) one. You see, I have a new career.

Now, before you roll your eyes and say "here we go again"; this one is truly a solid one. Why, you may ask yourself? Because it's not sales. Plain and simple. I have accepted a position as a Inventory Control Officer at a local hardware store. A Monday through Friday position. Early morning into early afternoon. Full time. Zero commute (which, if you recall, has been a serious issue).

Which lead me to put in my notice at Barnes and Noble. I'm not going to lie - it was much harder than I originally anticipated. Despite the struggles with the schedule, commute, and lack of hours and pay, I made fast friends there and loved being back in the literary environment. That doesn't mean I won't ever go back (in fact, I gave them a three week notice, not the standard two), it just means I will be a common consumer when I do.

Which also means that for the next few weeks I'll be juggling two jobs and working multi-week shifts. It may sound odd, but I kinda miss doing that. Sometimes I wonder if it's the insane work schedule that keeps me sane.

So, what does this mean for you, dear reader? Plenty, actually. Meaning, I'm going to start blogging regularly again. And writing other things. And getting published...

You see, one of my first goals of this year is to turn my blog posts into a book. A modern day memoir, if you will. Not just this blog, but also my first one, a few chosen from LinkedIn; and even some poetry that I posted on Facebook, once upon a time. The title is going to be "A Life Less Ordinary" (which, yes, is one of my posts on here - and I will include it). There will be a plethora of material, so, deciding what material is harder than expected (I've already begun the process). I have already decided to self publish (for now) and offer it as both a digital copy and a physical copy. Give the reader a choice as to the format they desire.

Speaking of writing, oh yes, there will be plenty of that happening.  I still have two NaNoWriMo projects I plan on finishing and starting the process of publishing. Plus, there's NaNoWriMo this coming November, as well. I'm using that to write the first book in my fantasy series. Seven books will be in there. And, most importantly, I still have the goal of writing the next Great American Novel. Especially since Harper Lee (To Kill A Mockingbird) passed today. No clue what that plot will be.

In summary, the only thing that has changed is everything. And, from what I can tell, it's all for the better. As my roommate summarized last night, this year will prove to be an epic one for me. But, it's in my hands to prove that to be true.

The Check Engine Light

About 48 or so hours ago, I was in pretty rough shape. A bug (I'm unsure if it was food poisoning or an actual virus) had brought me to my knees and I was violently ill. Twice. I'll spare you any further details; but I spent the vast majority of the following day flat on my back, sweating, sleeping, and feeling like I was dying. I was completely void of energy and entirely weak. Which, if have ever met me, you would know how much it takes for me to even sit for long periods of time.

So, in short, I was once again reminded of an irrefutable fact: I'm mortal.

Pair this with the health scare I had last year and the return of the spontaneous migraines and that means the little yellow light on my health's dashboard is starting to light up. And, believe it or not, I do actually listen to the cues my body gives me when something is up. I may not react in a timely fashion, but I do know when something starts to go wrong. For the most part, anyway.

Here's where the good news comes in: I'm going to be doing something about this. Many things, actually. The first is that I'm finally going to get back into my water regiment. Three liters a day is the goal. Second (and this will surprise more than a few of you) is that I'm going to start resting when I can. Letting my body and mind repair itself while I do nothing. It's going to be tough; but it's more than necessary. On the flip side, I'm also going to get back into biking and hiking. Soak up all the clean air in the woods and let the serenity of my environment envelope me. I may even get back into swimming (if I can find a pool).

And...I'm going to start going to the doctors. For check ups and maybe even blood work. Going to start taking my vitamins and medicine. I'm going to start treating my body like I'm only going to live once; and I need it to last as long as it can. I'm going to start taking care of myself and also letting others take care of me. As hard as that's going to be. I am nothing, if not stubborn...

I'm not old, by any means, but if I don't start taking care of myself, I never will be. And that is not a fate I chose to accept.

Breaking Through The Clouds

I had a bit of a occupational setback today. I won't go into details, but the second job I just got might not work out. I'll leave it at that.

I'm not going to lie - I'm pretty bummed about this. In fact, I was at my normal job when the tendrils of depression started to sink in. But, before they could really take hold, a voice told me something I needed to hear: "You're stronger than this."

I am. I've struggled with depression; but I'm stronger than it. As many times as I've felt utterly and completely defeated, I'm not. As my dear friend Chris has reminded me in the past, I've overcome so much more than my brain tells me that I have.

Everyone has setbacks. That's life. Everyone struggles from time to time. It is what it is. But, you're bigger than that. Stronger than that. It might not feel like it. I can attest that it definitely doesn't feel that way; but you are. So, instead of accepting defeat, shortcomings, depression, and the dark thoughts in the night - prove to them just how wrong they are.

Because, in the end, you are your own worst enemy. But you can also be your own best friend.