The Blank Slate

The beautiful and most challenging thing about each post is that it begins with a blank page. Nothing but white and a blinking cursor prompting you to share your innermost thoughts and realities. It has no objective, holds no bias, and forms no opinion other than the one created by the writer who uses it.  It's simple, clean, and utterly daunting if you allow it to be.

Such is also every day. A day, regardless of how fantastic or nightmarish, is but 24 hours long. The sun creeps over the horizon, slowly glides towards its zenith, before descending and tucking back into the folds of darkness. All the events that occur within that span can be entirely independent or entwined with those that have preceded it in days, weeks, and months past. The entire basis of the consistency of our lives is but a continuous chain of these 24 hours of existences.

Your past? A sequence of days that have led up to your present moment. You have zero control now over the events of your past. You are no more chained to your past than you are to the sky. The future? Simply hasn't happened yet. The realm of possibilities is utterly endless. The only thing that your past and future have in common is that both are contained within the sands of time. 24 hours of experiences. The ones you have already have and the ones you will. It's as simple as that.

We humans tend to think of things as a narrow, linear path. The road from point A to point B and all the things that lie in-between. It's the writers, the artists, the philosophers, and the entrepreneurs who truly see just how malleable our lives really are. Mozart was competent with the keyboard and violin by age 5, whereas Stan Lee didn't release his first comic until he was almost 39. One of Edison's most famous quotes is "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work."; but a better quote by him was "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

On the flip side, nothing is as simple as we pretend it to be. The "straight and narrow" is hardly straight and not always narrow. It's full of unforeseen dead ends, u-turns, and blinking red traffic lights. You can have a bad day in the middle of a great month and a few dodgy months in a pretty average year. Circumstances are never as permanent as we pretend that they are. The sun rises, and it also sets. The air is still until the wind blows. Bad days and good days come with equal ease.

Whenever a difficult situation arises, there are but two ways you can face them: as a stone or as a river. Certain times, it is necessary to be the stone - unmoving and relentless. Push through and persevere. In the immortal words of Winston Churchill "If you're going through hell, keep going." Other times, it is pertinent to be the river. Flow around your obstacles and adapt. Move on and move forward. It's not always easy to discern which you should choose to be; and sometimes it takes both to make progress and begin the next stage of life.

This blog is my life. Each entry, like each day, begins with a clean slate. Some entries are done in a matter of moments while others take several days to write. And, as with every entry and every day, there is a beginning, middle, and an end. So make the most of the slivers of time that you have been granted. For there will be a day when the blank slate becomes the last one you'll ever have.

The Giving of Thanks

I'm going to open up this blog with two parables. The first is Buddhist, the second Christian. Before you flip out (or don't), fully read them. Soak them in and the underlying message that they tell. And, since Thanksgiving is tomorrow here in the States, I thought it would be most fitting if the two parables (and the subsequent post following them) be about gratitude and being thankful.

Here is the first:

"An honor student, frustrated with his life and with school, worried about what tomorrow may bring, approached his teacher asking for some guidance.

“The story goes,” says the teacher in response to his students request for help, “That a Buddhist Monk was walking through the mountains one day. Then, out of nowhere, a tiger appears, chasing the monk towards the edge of a cliff. The monk, in his quest to escape the tiger, runs to the edge of the cliff and climbs over the side, where he sees five other tigers 15 feet below him, waiting to eat him.

So the monk is just hanging there, holding on to a vine on the side of the cliff, waiting there for the little chance he has to escape or for his imminent demise. Then, as the monk hangs there, exploring his options, he turns to the left and sees a strawberry.

He smiles, “Wow what a magnificent strawberry!” he says to himself. So, he picks it and he eats it.

The student waited for his teacher to continue but it was clear that the teacher was done with the story. “That’s it? That is it the story? The monk is about to be eaten by tigers so he reaches out to pick and eat a strawberry?” the student exclaimed.

“What’s the point?” he added.

The teacher replied, “The lesson is to know and embrace the experience of being alive. You must be alive every second you are alive.”

The student responded, “But teacher, everyone is alive when they are alive.”

“No,” said the teacher. “It’s the experience of being alive in each moment, in each experience, good and bad. We must be alive every second we are alive and not simply exist and live out our days.”

The student, confused, questioned his teacher, asking, “But everyone alive is alive, aren’t they?” he insisted.

“No. Look at you now,” explained the teacher. “You are running around being chased by tigers, consumed with your thoughts of how it could be better, how you could be better if only things were different. Yet, you have shared with me over the past year several difficult situations, in addition to the circumstances that I have observed, how you were about to be eaten by tigers and how you have been saved in each situation. You can’t be alive if you are living in fear and if you’re living in fear you can’t see and experience life; the magnificence of your life that is right in front of you in each moment.”

The teacher asked, “Are you running around, grinning over the feeling of being the luckiest, most fortunate and appreciative person in the world because of what IS  present in your life today, or are you consumed with fear, what you DON’T have in your life or what may possibly happen some time in the future?”

The student thought for a moment, looked up at his teacher, smiled, and continued on with his day…"

Here is the second parable:

Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.  After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need.  So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs.  He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!  I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.  I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’  So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.  Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate.  For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing.  So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on.27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him.  But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends.  But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.  But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

 Both parables have three characters. The first has the teacher, the student, and the monk. The second has a father and his two sons. Both parables have extreme conditions, which lead to serendipitous outcomes. The first has the monk finding a delectable strawberry. The second has the younger son coming to his senses and returning home. And both parables have a character who does not understand the series of events and experiences frustration. The first is the student and the second is the older son who stayed behind.

Life, whether you are born as a rich child in a castle or a poor child in a hut, is a difficult journey and rarely gives us the "answers" that we demand from it. Events, both good and bad, unfold that defy all concept of what we consider to have reason. They say that hindsight has 20/20 vision; but that isn't always the case, either. Yet, when we do have the luxury of hindsight and we see the pieces that have unfolded into the path we are on now, we should give thanks. 

The true spirit and meaning of Thanksgiving is not about feasting on turkey; any more than the true spirit and meaning of Christmas is about giving gifts. The true spirit and meaning of Thanksgiving is about being grateful for what we have and what we have overcome. Myself, for example, I have overcome being let go from a company that I loved, friendships ending, a cancer scare, and a brief bit of homelessness. In just this year alone. But I am grateful for the job that I have now and the team that I work with, the friendships I still have, seeing my sister and her family (which is a rare treat) this summer, and the fact that I have a roof over my head and food to eat. This year has not been the easiest, but I have survived it and more importantly learned from it. With each storm is a lesson to be learned, an opportunity to move on and move forward, or both.

There is no "easy button" when it comes to life. To presume so is not only folly, but an invitation for catastrophe. You may have woken up today, but there will be a day where you will see your last dawn. You may have plenty to eat, but there may be a time when you find yourself hungry and unable to fill your stomach. The money you have in the bank, the job that you hold (or don't), the place where you live, and most importantly, the people you have in your life-all that will change. Many times. Most times, without warning. 

So, give thanks. And be thankful. Life may not be easy; but I promise you it is entirely worth it.

The Scare

My butt hurts. The reason my butt hurts is because I got a shot there this evening. A shot of antibiotics. And, to be honest, I was quite relieved to get the prognosis of an infection that accompanied said shot. Let me back up and explain:

For the past few weeks, I have been experiencing a...discomfort, if you will, in a very specific location on my body. My groin. Actually, a very specific location on my groin. And this discomfort stayed in that very, very localized area of my body. It started first as a mild, albeit confusing, sensation that occurred once every three or four days at a time. The intensity on the pain scale was between a three and a four. Noticeable, for certain, but entirely infrequent and mild enough to ignore. That, unfortunately, didn't last long.

Soon it escalated to every day. And then multiple times a a day. To then a near constant. Same exact location this entire time; and varying degrees in intensity (never greater than a five on the pain scale). And then last Friday happened.

I was spending the evening with some friends. My stomach was in knots and I was nauseous to the point of fighting throwing up. And that sensation was at a constant six on the pain scale. Basically, it felt like someone (and, pardon the graphic description) was constantly squeezing my left testicle. Then, late evening/early morning hit, just as I was about to get some sleep, I had an attack: the best I can describe is that of the description of a woman having contractions. It lasted for less than five minutes and it spiked to about an eight or nine on the pain scale. I was writhing in pain. The last time I had an episode like that what when I was dealing with my right kidney (which I'll get to in a minute). Fast forward to Saturday night and I had an equally intense attack after another full day of that squeezing sensation. Which is why I made the decision Sunday morning to go to the hospital as soon as possible. Which was today.

Now, before you think of me as the boy who cried wolf, I want you to take three things into consideration: the very specific and unchanging location of this. the gradual to sudden severity of what was happening, and, most importantly, that this is not the first scare that I've had. Back in early to mid 2008, I had a lump on my right kidney. A lump so large that it protruded out of my skin. The symptom were almost identical, including the severity of the attacks. I also attempted to get tested back then; but I didn't have adequate insurance, so I had to go to the ER to get it checked out. To which the nurse who "treated" me (felt it, put pressure on it causing an attack so intense I nearly blacked out from the pain) and then told me I was dehydrated and need to start drinking more water. To this day, I was never fully was tested for cancer and I still have to be careful with my kidneys. Which is precisely why, after the second attack in the span of 24 hours occurred, I made it a point to not repeat history and to legitimately get checked out this time around.

While the prognosis, thank God, was minor (especially compared to what I have been suspecting it was in the days leading up to me seeking medical attention), it did serve as a proper wake up call. Once again, I was faced with the reminder of my own mortality. And, really, not just the fact that my life will end, but the painfully real fact that I have no idea how and when it will end. As I laid on that gurney this afternoon, being taken to receive an ultrasound, it finally sunk in that all the plans I have made are for not if I don't act upon them. The only way I will ever become a published novelist is to sit down and write. The only way I will ever have a family of my own is if I take the risk of dating. The only way I will be able to become financially comfortable is by landing an actual decent job and start investing and saving. And, most importantly, the only way I can live a happy and healthy life is if I finally start taking care of my health and welfare. The full sum of a life is that of actions and consequences. A constant stream of events that span your first and last breath.

The fact of the matter, the one that I was once again brutally reminded of, is that I'm going to die. It could be tomorrow or when I turn 80. Regardless of when it does happen, it, without a doubt, will. Yet, instead of viewing this finality in the lens of hopeless despair, I am choosing now to take full reins of the remaining time allotted to me and to make full use of it. I know what it's like to live with regrets and "what if's". I know, full well, what it's like to go to bed after a wasted day. The hours I spend on Facebook could be hours spent hiking in the woods or helping the poor. Learning a new language or further mastering the one that is native to me. Instead of sitting on the couch, I should be traveling the world. And the last thing I want as I draw my last breath is to be filled with regret from all the chances I was too afraid to take.

The Lens of Life

Today's post is going to be a heavy one. The topic: Perspective.

The current population clock for the world is over 7 billion people. That's a lot. There is a birth every 8 seconds and a death every 12 seconds. Life moves that quickly.

Now, over 7 billion people is a pretty intense figure, but, to put it in perspective, I picked six events in the 20th century (World War I, the Spanish Flu, World War II, Korean War, Vietnam War, and the Rwandan Genocide) and looked up the death tolls for each of them. And, for the record, most of these are estimated totals. Here goes:

World War I (1914-1918): 16 million deaths
Spanish Flu Pandemic (1918): 50 million deaths
World War II (1939-1945): 50 million, but possibly as high as 85 million deaths
Korean War (1950-1953): 1,577,000 (1.5 million) deaths
Vietnam War (1954-1975): 3.6 million deaths
Rwandan Genocide (100 day period between April 7th, 1994-mid July 1994): 1 million deaths

Grand total: 157,177,000 (or over 157 million) deaths. I calculated on the high end for World War II because it sounds like a  more accurate number-all things considered. Again, keep in mind, this was just from six events that took place during the last century.

Suddenly 7 billion people doesn't sound like a lot.

The point I'm trying to make is that we focus too much on what we perceive to be our realities. With how fast paced the world has become (a giant portion of that is due to our modern technology and the control we allow it to have over our daily lives), we don't stop and take time to reflect on ourselves and also our relationships with others. It's far easier to "connect" with someone over Facebook than it is to take the time to meet up with them in person or give them a phone call (not just text-where you lose the sound of another person's voice).

Perception can only happen when you are still enough to let it happen. Not just inner self perspective, but also when you seek the advice of others. If you do not listen, you do not gain their perspective on the situation. Our lens on life is ever changing due to the events that occur within it. Even the small things, such as attending a house party or even just a quick phone chat with a friend can change how you view everything that is occurring in the brief, finite bubble that is your perceived reality.

So, dear reader, that is my request to you. Stop whatever you're doing and look at everything that is happening as if it were happening through the window of a store. Separate yourself mentally from your circumstances and look at it from an outside view. If that means taking a walk to think about your life, do it. If that means meditating or writing down everything that is going on in your life, do it. Once you have done this, stop and think about what you have discovered about yourself and your circumstances.

The answers may surprise you.

What has brought you joy today?

Yesterday one of my Facebook friends had a status update that grabbed my attention. She opened with "What has brought you joy today?" She then proceeded to say what had brought a little sliver of happiness into her life and friends of hers commented with what had brought them joy for that day. What struck me so was not what she had happen to bring about happiness in her life, but the question itself.

"What has brought you joy today?" Think about this one question. In all the chaos and negitivity that we surround ourselves with on a daily basis, this simple question is anything but. It allows us to pause and reflect, not on what's wrong with the world, but what simple (or not so simple) things bring about a bit of bliss in our lives. The best thing about this question is that each day is different, so the answer will be different for each day.

So, my dear readers, let me post the question to you: What has brought you joy today?