And Down I Go

So, recently I entered a raffle that I was really hoping I would win. I rarely enter these things and I had bought a bunch of tickets, so I figured my chances were good on actually winning. 

Fast forward to today. I had the day off and spent some time with a good friend of mind and watched the extended edition of The Desolation of Smaug. A great day, by all means, up until it dawned on me that today was the drawing and I didn't get a phone call. And down I go.

Now, in the grand scheme of things, this isn't even a blip on the radar. I rarely win anything I enter, so this shouldn't have come as a surprise at all. And let's be honest, I was hardly the only person who had entered the raffle. But this was one of those things where I let myself get my hopes up about, only to lose. So, yeah, I'm disappointed, more in myself for allowing myself to be optimistic about this. I should have known better.

So down I go. My mood, at present, is rather grim. The depression has re-awoken and is rearing its ugly head once again. Insomnia is kicking in, to boot.  This downward spiral is pretty common between the months of October and May. It doesn't take much to knock me down far. And, in many, many cases, keep me down. It also didn't help that the weather turned cold, dark, and wet as I made my way home.

The good news is that I do know the counterbalance to the ever-present darkness within. Well, as close to a counterattack as I'll ever have. It will never go away completely. But with this particular time of year and how it affects me is that I need to start taking and using my vitamin D and B complex consumption. As well as get back on the fish oil supplements (I'm not really a seafood person) and increase my caffeine consumption even more than I already do. Plus make sure that I'm getting enough iron and protein. And forcing myself to watch funny shows and movies. Yeah...

So, here I am. Blogging so I don't dwell any longer. Sitting up in bed, trying to think of ways to distract myself until sleep finally comes. If it finally comes. Wishing I wasn't so "high maintenance" and wishing I could handle life like everyone else does. Wishing my brain wasn't broken. And, most of all, wishing I wasn't alone so I could finally stop feeling like I'm alone in this world. 

Sorry this post sucks. I promise the next one will be better.