One Year Later

So, as I post this, it's been a long day full of productivity and stress. Over the past 48 hours I've had little to eat and probably too much caffeine. I've also been bad about taking vitamin D as of late; so if this blog sounds rather melancholy and scatterbrained, yeah, there's reasons. Anyway, onward.

So, tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of me moving back from the San Antonio area to the Seattle area. It's hard to believe that it's only been one year, considering all that has happened during time. But, before I go into that, allow me to talk about my feelings on the time I spent in the Lone Star State. Also, I would like to add that this post may be the longest yet for me to post. There is much rattling around in my brainpan and tomorrow marks a very important milestone for me.

To be completely frank, I very much had a love/hate relationship. I spent my entire life in the Pacific Northwest before moving down there and it was the first time in my life where I was truly on my own, living my life. I learned much about myself during that rather brief period; but, what I did not know at the time, was that it was only the beginning of my growing pains. Texas, as you probably have heard, is hot. What you might not know (I certainly didn't until I moved down there) is that there are large parts of the state that are exceptionally humid. Not quite on the level of Florida, but definitely in the same neighborhood. I had immensely high expectations for the area before I uprooted my life and became a transplant. The economy was fantastic, the cost of living low, and wages and job market better than most of the country. All of this proved to be completely true. Barely four months after moving down there, I was hired on as a banker, which is a huge precedent considering the fact that I had spend most of the previous year completely unemployed and was considering myself unhirable. For the first time in my adult life, I had what I considered to be a respectable career with a respectable company. Well, it was out of retail, anyway.

The hardest part I had with Texas was the fact that it wasn't home. To be completely fair, I don't think I ever fully gave it the chance that it deserved. I was homesick within six months of being down there and that feeling never left until after I moved back. The San Antonio area was green, sure, but not the right kind of green (if that makes any sense). Gone were the tall trees, the seasons, the mountains, and plentiful water. The rain was different down there. The people. The food. Actually, the food down there was something I adapted to quite easily and the biggest thing I miss about Texas. Brisket. Heavenly, mouth watering, taste orgasm that is brisket. Good lord, I miss the brisket. And the homemade queso and salsa... Oh, and let's not forget the Shiner beer. That was something I am so glad that I can find up here.

Anyway. one of the biggest changes I had down there was the seemingly demise of my social life. Up here I have a plethora of friends and family to spend time with. Down there, it was my sister, her family, her husband's family, and a smattering of coworkers and the band circle. My brother-in-law was in one band before forming his own and many of the group carried over. So, while the number of people that I spent time with shrank drastically, the bonds were that much stronger. I also was able to knock off something on my bucket list shortly after going down there- Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Which, in all honesty, not as much fun as Mardi Gras in Austin. It's good to say that you've done it, but of the two, go to Austin where you can really enjoy yourself. Austin, by the way, was and still is my favorite city in the Lone Star State. And a large part of that is because it reminds me so much of Portland, Oregon. These two cities that are many miles apart could be twins (if municipalities had siblings). I have a soft spot in my heart of the truly eccentric people of this planet (one I will more than willing to admit that I am one of) and both cities have oddity in spades. I would actually say that I prefer Austin over Portland due to the music festivals, food, and the all around awesomeness of the town-especially 6th Street.

Sorry, I digress once again. The hardest part I had about being in Texas for almost two years was that I was completely alone and completely out of my element. Instead of adapting, which is normally what I do when I move to a new location, I subconsciously fought it tooth and nail. I let the early pangs of homesickness grow into a self-inflicted resentment of my new surroundings. In retrospect, it wasn't that I didn't make many friends because I lacked opportunity (just the opposite, actually), but because I didn't want to create bonds with people I knew I would eventually be leaving. I knew from the get-go that Texas wasn't going to be a final destination for me, but I wasn't giving the place the true potential it deserved. And that, I will say, I regret fully.

Which brings me to the second part of this post, and I would say the most important part: The transition back. In case I haven't mentioned it previously, I was originally offered a position with Chase from a recruiter over the phone. The position was back home and making significantly more than was I was making at the bank I was working at. A massive step up, in my eyes, so I jumped at the opportunity that seemed too good t be true. It was. Again, hide-sight being what it is, I should have looked into it further before making such a monumental move once again. I was, in all honesty, too eager to move back, so I didn't bother to look the gift horse in the mouth. What was, what I thought to be a sure thing turned out to be just the opposite. The manager at the location I was to work at didn't even know who I was or why I was coming in there. He gave me a brief interview on the spot and promised to look into it for me. Two months later I finally gave up all hope of getting the job I thought I had.

It was, actually, not long after I moved back that I spiraled into a deep depression. Everything that I had tried my hardest to prevent was happening and happening way too fast. This, actually would become the theme for most of this year. The more I try and prevent events from unfolding, the more certain they have of actually occurring. I tried, at first, to find other jobs within the financial field, but was met with the roadblock of me not having a college degree or not enough experience. I tried hard to stay out of retail, so I took temp jobs instead. First at a warehouse in the next city over making and bailing insulation. I lost weight and gained a lot of muscle. Then came the data center where I did data entry. It was there that I got the idea to start this blog and, honestly, that was the best thing to come out of that place. There was a brief period of unemployment before getting the job selling television commercials to small businesses. Since that was straight commission, that didn't last and I moved on to Walgreens. There, I was in a "leadership" position, but really found myself being not much more than a stock-boy and a cashier. The pay was better than anything I had had previously, but I had issues with the Payroll department the entire time I worked there. Which leads me to where I work now and the amazing opportunity that it was to seriously fall in my lap.

I am now the manager of a kiosk that sells high end skin care (and makeup). Yes, it is once again retail, but it is the manager position that I have pursued since I essentially started working back in high school. Yes, the stress and pressure to succeed is high and the days are long, but this role has fit me like a glove and already the cart has prospered more than it has in years. Instead of wilting under the great responsibility, I'm thriving on it. This is my stand with my crew and I am allotted to do with it as I please. I have finally tasted the sweet nectar of success and I find it perfectly sweet.

My personal life has undergone a deep evolutionary process, as well. Friendships have been born, more have been rekindled, and more than a few have been destroyed by my own hand. I have made some grave mistakes-some that go against everything I believe in of myself and go fully against my character. I admit full responsibility for my actions and I place blame on no one but myself for what I have done. I also learned early on after coming back that people changed drastically while I was gone. I had to work infinitely harder at the friendships I once took for granted. Even now the bonds aren't as strong as the time before I left. Yet, the friendships forged in fire have become stronger than ever.

I will say that, while the general mood and feel of this post is grim, allow me to point out that I am stronger than I have ever been. Had it not been for the harsh consequences of the recent past, I would not know fully what I am made of or what I can endure. This storm, if you will, has been a very valuable learning tool to which I plan on rebuilding the rest of my life on. I now know that the things I once took for granted are anything but and if I am to grow and prosper, I need to roll up my sleeves and maybe get a little dirty. I also have a much more realistic understanding on what it takes to write a book and I am pleased to say that I am ready to take the plunge

On that note, I must bid you ado once again. This day has been long and not the easiest on me. Yet, even today I learned a valuable lesson and will grow from it.