Instead, I'm going to address what happened a couple posts back. To be blunt, my brain can be a real dick to me. I'm not always that bad, but this time of year I get bouts of melancholy that take hold and drag me into the depths of despair. Sometimes it's a major event, and sometimes it's something minor. There's even times when I just wake up bummed out.
If you've never had depression, count yourself very lucky. Mine is most certainly hereditary on my mom's side. We're also a family of highly intelligent people, and you know what they say about the line between genius and insanity. With us, it's the wicked doldrums and, considering all that's happened to me, it's not surprising that I have it in spades. Thankfully, I'm a writer, so I have an outlet for when it gets too bad. Usually it's in the form of blogposts and poems. I try and not write depressing stories because that will only bring me further down.
Any time I come forward with my depression, it generally surprises people. On the outside, I'm lively, humorous and (as I've been describe many a time) intense. Yet, to use the iceberg metaphor, there's a lot going on underneath. It can also be the mask I'm wearing because I don't want to deal with what's bothering me. I can and will hide my feelings if I choose to not acknowledge them. Sometimes that's the only way I can deal with the depression; rather than risk being pulled underneath by it.
But what about suicide? Well, to be blunt, that is not a topic I'm going to discuss. Period. All I will say on the matter is that I fully realize how beautiful and brief this life is. I have seen with my own eyes how swiftly and easily life can end. Death is a very, very personal topic and one I much prefer discussing in person.
So what do I do when it gets bad? As in, really, really bad? There's two people who I talk to. Both of whom also struggle with depression and I've saved the life of one of them more than once. We talk it out and they help me try and get to the root of what is truly bothering me. They both know that sometimes it really just is my brain being a dick and they help me move forward. More often than not I'm lacking something: sunlight, vitamin D, vitamin B, caffeine, etc. Well, everyone knows when I'm lacking caffeine.
But, anyway, I wanted to address why I dropped so low. I'm...getting better. My brain is still trying to be a dick to me. Butt I'm pushing through it and doing my best to move forward. On that note, I'm heading to bed. Night, all.
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