On April 5th, 1996, Kurt Cobain, the lead singer of Nirvana passed away. His body, along with a suicide note and the shotgun that ended his life, were found with him in his home. On August 11th, 2014, Robin Williams, probably one of the funniest and prolific actors of our time, passed away. He was found strangled to death. What do these two events have in common? The cause of death - suicide.
Four days ago, the New York Times ran an article with the title of "U.S. Suicide Rate Surges to a 30-Year High". (I've posted the link below) It increased in nearly every age group; except for older adults. Women were hit the hardest by this - with a 63% jump in the age bracket between 45 and 64. Sixty-three percent. Think about it. "The increases were so widespread that they lifted the nation's suicide rate to 13 per 100,000 people, the highest since 1986." In 2014, it was the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. Which was more than AIDS.
There's a suicide in the USA every 13 minutes.
Why am I bringing this up? Because, even though we are fully in the 21st century, the topics of suicide, depression, and mental illness are still taboo topics that most people shy away from. If you bring up AIDS, cancer, even ebola and people will get up and arms and demand a cure. But, as soon as you mention depression and suicide and people seek to change the subject as quick as possible. There was a USA Today article (which I posted below) going into how, even though it theoretically 100% preventable, it is low in the nation's health industry's priority list. There is far more research and funding going into automobile deaths, which, for the record, is less than suicide, than there is self-inflicted death. We are in collective denial about one of our country's most serious problems that we face.
Yet this is one problem that will never be fully swept under the rug.
The good news is that there is a non-profit organization called To Write Love On Her Arms (again, link below) which has become incredibly popular within the last ten years. The organization's focus is present hope for people struggling with addiction, depression, self injury, and thoughts of suicide. The very first thing you'll see when you click on the website is the words "Hope is real. Help is real. Your story is important." They also have slogans such as "You are enough" and "No one else can play your part". In fact, they have even partnered with the Crisis Text Line to further help people from taking their own lives. They've become a voice to those who thought they did not have one.
There's also a growing trend in people getting semicolon tattoos. The significance behind it is those who have struggled with suicide, self harm, and addiction who are making the statement of "my story isn't over yet". Yes, there's a link below. I personally am planning on getting a semicolon tattoo sometime this year.
To wrap this up the best as I can, here's the number to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255. If you are uncomfortable talking with someone, you can text START to 741-741 and go from there. There are people waiting to hear from you, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.
The world is already a dark place. Don't be one less light shining in it.
Links:
https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/
http://www.save.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=705D5DF4-055B-F1EC-3F66462866FCB4E6
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/22/health/us-suicide-rate-surges-to-a-30-year-high.html?nlid=67235496&_r=0
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/10/09/suicide-mental-health-prevention-research/15276353/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/07/07/project-semicolon-tattoos_n_7745358.html
https://twloha.com
http://www.crisistextline.org
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Thursday, April 7, 2016
The "D" Word
I logged on to Facebook (a site I admittedly spend way too much time on) tonight and a friend of mine had shared an article called "10 Things to Keep in Mind When Loving a Highly Creative Person": http://iheartintelligence.com/2015/07/08/loving-a-highly-creative-person/ With me potentially dipping my toes back into the dating pool, I read and immediately shared the article. It's a short article and 100% spot on. Let me go into detail.
The very first thing listed was "their minds don't slow down". This struck a massive cord. I joke that my brain doesn't have an off button, but the reality is is that it is constantly going. Fast. In a thousand different directions. At the same time. Everything from quantum physics and far off planets to what the average breakfast was for someone living in the Roman Empire. How would dragons pull off flight to what was the subject of the Mona Lisa thinking about as she was being painted (she did have a smirk, you know). Or I'm thinking about work, and the things that are popping up on a daily basis. Problems and possible solutions. Actually, I spend much of my off time thinking about work. This new job is never without a new conundrum; but I digress.
The second one is that we are very cyclical. "The flow of creativity is cycle, full of highs and lows". This also struck a cord. One thing that I have noticed that sets me apart from others is that I have deeper emotions. I take rejection hard; even some that are rather minor. On the flip side, my laughter has been known to fill a room. I am passionate to a fault. And I can be somber - sometimes unexpectedly. When I feel something, I feel it with all of me. By the way, number five goes into this, as well.
The third one is that we need time alone. This is big for me - and a big reason why I am reluctant to start dating again. I need my alone time. Desperately. Especially with how mentally demanding my new job is. As much as I love being around others - especially friends and family; I need to recharge. And the only way to do that is complete solitude. That's why I take walks. To sort my head out and to regroup so I can handle the rest of the world. I need peace and silence. Which is something that is not readily available in a relationship. When I need to be alone, I need it to be 100%. No other human contact. Even that special someone.
Number four is that we are intensely focused. When I'm working out a problem in my head, I've been told that I look extremely angry. I've even had bosses ask if I was okay, because of this. The fact of the matter is that I'm completely oblivious to what is happening around me. I'm entirely in my head and I'm trying to solve a stumbling block. The same goes for when I am having a conversation with someone. My full attention is on them and the topics at hand. That's why I find small talk awkward. I don't know how to do it. And when my brain slips into creativity mode - well, the rest of the world might as well not exist.
The sixth one is something that I didn't even think about until now. We speak in stories. It's true, though, and entirely done subconsciously. I am quite literally a storyteller - even when I'm not trying to be. It's just who I am and how I communicate. I guess that's why people enjoy talking with me.
The seventh and ninth ones are so beyond crucial: "They battle with themselves" and "they struggle with confidence". If there is one thing I need most for my future partner to understand is this (and the importance of alone time). I am, without a doubt, my own worst enemy. I am at war with myself far more than most people realize. When I doubt myself, I doubt hard. Personally, professionally, creativity, the whole gambit. When one little seed of self doubt takes route, it's impossible to stop it becoming a full tree. I have steamrolled my own success far more than all others combined. I fully acknowledge and struggle with the fact that I am the one holding me back.
But, the flip side of this coin is that (number eight) "intuition is important". I go with my gut and I run with it. I will trust my gut over anything else when it comes to decision making. Because I am so prone to overthinking things, if my intuition is telling me something, I listen and follow suit.
And the last one, which is lighthearted: "growing up is hard to do." "Creative people are almost always children at heart". You don't need any further example than Robin Williams. I know I am a big kid when I am able to be. It's also why kids love me - I still know how to play and can relate to their overwhelming imaginations. Sure, I can be mature, but I also take immense pleasure in simple things.
So, yes, this article is an excellent way to understand me better (if that is what you wish). I know that being such a creative person means that I am not going to be the easiest partner to be with - but I also know that because of these traits, it will be fully worth it.
The very first thing listed was "their minds don't slow down". This struck a massive cord. I joke that my brain doesn't have an off button, but the reality is is that it is constantly going. Fast. In a thousand different directions. At the same time. Everything from quantum physics and far off planets to what the average breakfast was for someone living in the Roman Empire. How would dragons pull off flight to what was the subject of the Mona Lisa thinking about as she was being painted (she did have a smirk, you know). Or I'm thinking about work, and the things that are popping up on a daily basis. Problems and possible solutions. Actually, I spend much of my off time thinking about work. This new job is never without a new conundrum; but I digress.
The second one is that we are very cyclical. "The flow of creativity is cycle, full of highs and lows". This also struck a cord. One thing that I have noticed that sets me apart from others is that I have deeper emotions. I take rejection hard; even some that are rather minor. On the flip side, my laughter has been known to fill a room. I am passionate to a fault. And I can be somber - sometimes unexpectedly. When I feel something, I feel it with all of me. By the way, number five goes into this, as well.
The third one is that we need time alone. This is big for me - and a big reason why I am reluctant to start dating again. I need my alone time. Desperately. Especially with how mentally demanding my new job is. As much as I love being around others - especially friends and family; I need to recharge. And the only way to do that is complete solitude. That's why I take walks. To sort my head out and to regroup so I can handle the rest of the world. I need peace and silence. Which is something that is not readily available in a relationship. When I need to be alone, I need it to be 100%. No other human contact. Even that special someone.
Number four is that we are intensely focused. When I'm working out a problem in my head, I've been told that I look extremely angry. I've even had bosses ask if I was okay, because of this. The fact of the matter is that I'm completely oblivious to what is happening around me. I'm entirely in my head and I'm trying to solve a stumbling block. The same goes for when I am having a conversation with someone. My full attention is on them and the topics at hand. That's why I find small talk awkward. I don't know how to do it. And when my brain slips into creativity mode - well, the rest of the world might as well not exist.
The sixth one is something that I didn't even think about until now. We speak in stories. It's true, though, and entirely done subconsciously. I am quite literally a storyteller - even when I'm not trying to be. It's just who I am and how I communicate. I guess that's why people enjoy talking with me.
The seventh and ninth ones are so beyond crucial: "They battle with themselves" and "they struggle with confidence". If there is one thing I need most for my future partner to understand is this (and the importance of alone time). I am, without a doubt, my own worst enemy. I am at war with myself far more than most people realize. When I doubt myself, I doubt hard. Personally, professionally, creativity, the whole gambit. When one little seed of self doubt takes route, it's impossible to stop it becoming a full tree. I have steamrolled my own success far more than all others combined. I fully acknowledge and struggle with the fact that I am the one holding me back.
But, the flip side of this coin is that (number eight) "intuition is important". I go with my gut and I run with it. I will trust my gut over anything else when it comes to decision making. Because I am so prone to overthinking things, if my intuition is telling me something, I listen and follow suit.
And the last one, which is lighthearted: "growing up is hard to do." "Creative people are almost always children at heart". You don't need any further example than Robin Williams. I know I am a big kid when I am able to be. It's also why kids love me - I still know how to play and can relate to their overwhelming imaginations. Sure, I can be mature, but I also take immense pleasure in simple things.
So, yes, this article is an excellent way to understand me better (if that is what you wish). I know that being such a creative person means that I am not going to be the easiest partner to be with - but I also know that because of these traits, it will be fully worth it.
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Leveling Out
So, I want to share something that has been on my mind a lot over the past week: For the first time in a long time, I have stability. A Monday to Friday job, set hours, set pay, an awesome place with an awesome roommate, etc. For the first time in a long time, my life is able to become predictable.
Which, I'm not going to lie - it scares me.
Not that my life is leveling out, but because, in the back of my mind, I'm waiting for the shoe to drop. For life to blindside me and turn everything on its head. As much as I genuinely want to be happy and excited about this (which, don't get me wrong, I am), the possibility of things hitting the fan is something I can't push out of my brain.
If you think I'm being paranoid, there's a reason I'm having this knee jerk reaction: within the past five years I've lived in two different states, held numerous jobs, and have had multiple addresses. The past year alone I had about five jobs (one of which I was fired from unexpectedly), had a cancer scare, and was briefly homeless. I have gone through so much in such a small amount of time.
So the prospect of having a "normal" life is kinda freaking me out. In fact, the other day, I was making plans for the next six months and it felt alien to me to be doing it. That alone is something I haven't had the luxury of doing in a long time.
So, what does this mean? First off, I've begun writing again. I've had a character in the back of my mind and I'm giving him life at last. I don't have a title or even a plot, but so far I'm loving it. Second, part of the plans I am making is getting out of debt, getting my credit score up, and saving money. Maybe, God willing, start investing once again. And, third, I'm opening myself up to the possibility of dating once again.
It also means I am, finally, once again, at peace. Content. Able to smile. The trials and tribulations have only made me stronger. And I am more than willing to start living again.
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