So, there's a certain Christmas special that plays every year that is called Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer. The premise is that there's this reindeer who's born with a glowing red nose who is immediately shunned by his peers and his own father thinks he's a disgrace. There's also an elf who is shunned because he would rather be a dentist instead of a toymaker. They meet up, become instant friends, and run away from society because they know they'll never fit in there. Along the way, they meet a gold miner who couldn't find a nugget if he was standing on it and they wind up on the Island of Misfit Toys (which, by the way, is one of the songs). There's another song that is played that is called "Why Am I Such a Misfit". Anyway, the point of all this is that tonight, as I was taking a shower, is that I am essentially a misfit toy. Hear me out.
During all of my schooling years, I had friends in all the cliques. Some of my closest friends were cheerleaders and football players; as well as theater geeks and the goths. Nobody said I couldn't make friends with a certain group, so I made friends in all the groups. It was actually quite harmonious. I personally, in high school at least, leaned heavily towards the geekier side of things - I was a library aid and theater tech for three years and on the school newspaper for two. I also took German - not the cool languages of Spanish and French. It was also in high school when I picked up my affinity for science and started playing chess with my dad. And, even though I was invited to multiple parties, I never went to anything outside of the occasional school dance. I was, for lack a better description, very happily in my own shell.
In my early twenties, as I have mentioned many times, I lost my dad. I spiraled into a vast sucking pit of depression that lasted until, to be quite honest, I moved to Texas and started my life over from scratch. Yes, I made friends during this period of time, but I wasn't me and I certainly wasn't whole. I was, and still am to some degree, a stain glass window that's missing a few pieces. While everyone else around me seems normal, I can't help but feel a bit broken. It's just who I am.
It goes further, as well. For someone who is a self professed geek, I enjoy watching sports and playing baseball. Two of my favorite series are Firefly and Harry Potter; but I get equally excited watching the Seattle Seahawks and the San Antonio Spurs. I can go to a comic book convention and have a blast and then go to one of my favorite craft breweries and enjoy a great beer with friends.
It goes even deeper than that. I was raised in a Christian home and my dad hosted a Bible study throughout most of my childhood. I am a Christian, as well, solely because that was my decision and my parents wanted me to choose whatever path I sought out. I am even a licensed minister. But, some of the most profound teachings I have received throughout the past year or so has been from a close friend of mine who is Wiccan and studying Buddhism. The teachings he has shared with me have been of the Buddhist variety. So, while there's zero danger of me "switching sides" so to speak, the teaching of a different belief system has helped me grow in my own. To expand upon that, I have friends that cover pretty much the entire spectrum of faiths - everyone from atheists and pagans to a couple Jews and even a high school friend who's Muslim. Not to mention fellow Christians, as well.
Politically, I also don't fit. I grew up in a pretty conservative household, but I have noticed that, within the past year or so, that I have become a lot more moderate. This honestly has everything to do with the actions of those in the Republican party and how much it conflicts with my faith. To the point where I'm fully planning and have been advocating for a self described socialist Jew. Someone who is a far from the political spectrum as anyone I would have dared considered voting for growing up.
The point of this is that I don't fit in to any mold. I am, quite simply, who I am. And, most importantly, I have zero desire to change who I am to fit into someone's concept of who I should be. Because, at the end of the day, if you can't love a misfit toy for being what it is, you have no right to play with it.
